WRESTLEMANIA
XIX!
(03/30/03) On this night, Triple H
sets race relations back a hundred years! Brock
Lesnar debuts his vaunted Shooting star
face-plant! Stone Cold & Rock make the only good
third sequel in history! HBK turns the other cheek,
while refusing to put his shoulders down! And
Hulkamania meets Egomania, in a battle twenty years in
the not really giving a shit about! All this, plus
so much more! Click HERE to read Sean's
Recapitation!
JUDGMENT DAY 2003:
(05/18/03) welcome to JUDGMENT DAY! You know, the
day God decides to just pack it in and end the world,
before passing final judgment upon thee for your many
sins. One of which is ordering a pay-per-view being
headlined by Kevin Nash. You should be ashamed of
yourselves! Enjoy your eternity! (which for the record
is what this PPV felt like...)
Click
HERE to read Sean's
Recapitation!
BAD BLOOD 2003: (06/16/03)
It's Bad Blood! RAW's first ever single brand
pay-per-view, and the first rejected name for Rock
Hudson
's autobiography! The good news is HHH and
Kevin Nash went to Hell. The bad news is they came back.
Just who walked out (hobbled out) of the UNFORGIVING
structure as champion? And can anything ever make this
cage accept an apology?
Click
HERE to read Sean's
Recapitation!
VENGEANCE 2003:
(07/23/03) Eddie Guerrero becomes the champion
of USA for you,
esse! Sable battles Stephanie McMahon in wrestling's
first No holds used match,
Big Show, Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar engage
in a three way, and the War Amps officially
stop asking Vince McMahon for donations. Imagine
that. Click
HERE to read Sean's
Recapitation!
SUMMER SLAM 2003: (08/24/04)
It's Summer-time! And the living is easy. Pity you won't
feel the same way after this fucking show is done.
Featuring: The only Jew on earth insisting
he get locked in something called an
"elimination chamber"! And Kurt Angle taking on
"the real" Brock Lesnar! The robot clone he normally
uses is in the shop getting repaired, apparently.
Click
HERE to read Sean's
Recapitation!
UNFORGIVEN 2003:
(09/21/03) It's Unforgiven! The show that holds
grudges. And then presents grudge matches that you don't
want to see. I mean, JR & King vs. Coach & Al
Snow? Dear lord. Plus, Shane battles Kane as the rain
falls mainly on the plain, and HHH loses a
quick ten pounds for his upcoming wedding!
Click
HERE to read Sean's
Recapitation!
NO MERCY 2003:
(10/19/03) One week before her wedding, a Father gives
away the bride... forever... by choking the life out of
her. If only all weddings cost this little. Plus, a
Wolverine gets on the tracks and causes an A-Train to
derail! Zach Gowen gets a leg up on Matt Hardy, Eddie
Guerrero goes from the fire into the frying pan hands,
and Undertaker battles Brock Lesnar in the "first ever"
Biker chain match. Huh. Now we know why it's never
been done before.
Click
HERE to read Sean's
Recapitation!
SURVIVOR SERIES 2003:
(11/16/03) It's the Survivor Series! Now with one less
McMahon! And as a result, Bret Hart hates this
pay-per-view a little less. Featuring: Brock Lesnar
learning that you can lead a Hoss to water, but you
can't make them win. Wait, that's not how it goes.
Plus, Vince McMahon buries The Undertaker, and Goldberg
surprisingly avoids the same fate at the hands of HHH!
Click
HERE to read Sean's
Recapitation!
ARMAGEDDON 2003:
(12/14/03) Welcome to Armageddon! A moment you
always knew would come, but always hoped you'd never be
around to see. And now that it is finally here, you'll
have to pay the ultimate price. In this case, $39.95 for
a Goldberg/Kane/HHH match. Dear Lord. It's times like
that you wish it really was the end of the world....
Click
HERE to read Sean's
Recapitation!
ROYAL RUMBLE 2004:
(01/25/04) The Vanilla midget finally stands tall!
Well, as tall as you can stand at 5'8". Plus, "family
issues" are resolved the good old fashion way, with
flying headscissors and planchas! HHH and HBK face
the conundrum of what happens when two entities
consisting of not wanting to do jobs come into
contact with one another, and Brock Lesnar faces the
toughest test of his career! ...Trying not to laugh at
the plight of Bob Holly. Click HERE to read Sean's
Recapitation!
NO WAY OUT 2004:
(02/15/04) A night, that much like this great
country, was built upon the back of hardworking
Mexicans! All culminating with Eddie Guerrero battling
Brock Lesnar for the WWE Title! It's "Here comes the
Pain" versus "There goes the painkillers", and
something has to give!
Click
HERE to read Sean's
Recapitation!
WRESTLEMANIA XX:
Where
it
all began again...for about six months anyway; then it
pretty much went back to the exact same company as
before! But whatever. It was a night to behold! Vanilla
midgets had their revenge! Aryan Supermen battled
hulking Jews while the whole thing is overseen by an
angry redneck! A deadman returns from the great beyond
and looks ready to hit a Honky tonk bar!
Click
HERE to read Sean's
Recapitation!
BACKLASH 2004:
(04/18/04) It's Chris Benoit Day and
Holocaust Remembrance Day, so what better way to
commemorate both then to destroy a guy with an
Iron cross on his tights? Plus, Mick Foley introduces
Randy Orton to
Malibu
's
much-less-liked sister "Truth or Consequences Barbie",
and Chris Jericho takes his dollar out of the hide of
Christian and Trish Stratus!
Click
HERE to read Sean's
Recapitation!
JUDGMENT DAY 2004:
(05/16/04) It's Judgment Day! And God decided the best
way to punish us heathens for our sins would be to
subject us to a Bradshaw main event push! Repent now
before he gets another rematch! Plus,
Kurt "Blofeld" Angle torments a blond in lieu of
Bond, Mordecai tries Scotty 2 Hotty for the sin of
living in the past, and Booker T trades in his
fishin' pole for some voodoo black magic and
still comes up short against
The Undertaker. Huh. Clearly, he should have talked
to the last voodoo guy who tried to mess with The
Undertaker. Might have saved himself a lot of grief.
Click
HERE to read Sean's
Recapitation!
GREAT AMERICAN BASH
2004: (06/27/04) It's the birth of
America
's
newest summertime tradition! Well, so long as your idea
of traditions include suffocating your best friend in
cement after just saving him from a convoluted
kidnapping plot! Plus a Dusty finish in a world title
match! Holy shit, this really IS The Great American Bash
after all! Click
HERE to read Sean's
Recapitation!
VENGEANCE 2004: (07/11/04)
Triple H battles Chris Benoit, and a retard
holds the fate of the world in his hands! Hey, maybe he
should run for president! Plus, an Animal
murders a Lion-tamer! Edge puts a legend killer to
justice! And Matt Hardy gets a measure of revenge
against the monster who
secretly impregnated his girlfriend, the only way
he knows how: with a flurry of wrestling offense!
Click
HERE to read Sean's
Recapitation!
SUMMER SLAM 2004: (08/15/04)
Retards get sacrificed! Hometown boys get run out
of town on a rail! Wolverines euthanized! Grim Reapers
assault millionaires! Strippers get balls in the face!
And the crowning of a fake youngest champion ever! What
more could you want? A crowd that'd respect what
they are watching, instead of doing the fucking wave?
Umm, probably. Click
HERE to read Sean's
Recapitation!
UNFORGIVEN 2004: (09/12/04)
Yesterday may have *technically* been September 11th,
but I guarantee you this is a night Randy Orton will
"never forget"! Where's the NYFD when you need them?
Someone needs to dig Orton out of his hole here!
Plus, Tyson Tomko creates more problems than he solves,
and Chris Jericho and Y2J battle for the vacant
Intercontinental title with "100 pound"
Aluminum ladders! Man, Someone might have
weighed them on Hulk Hogan's scale!
Click
HERE to read Sean's
Recapitation!
NO MERCY
2004: (10/04/04) It's No Mercy! The PPV that
shows no sympathy for you or your wallet. Featuring JBL,
Undertaker, a hearse, a pantsless chauffer, and the
ultimate inhumanity of being locked inside of an
"inescapable" car! There's no escape through that,
umm, glass! So don't even try!
Click
HERE to read Sean's
Recapitation!
TABOO TUESDAY
2004: (10/19/04) It's Taboo Tuesday! A
HISTORIC night where, FINALLY, YOU get to
have your voice heard! It's just too bad
what you end up "saying" is what we've pretty
much been seeing for 2 years anyway! Damn you for
opening your big mouth! Featuring: For the first time in
history, the father of the baby is aborted! HHH
and 3/4's of Shawn Michaels wage war! Chris Benoit
helps two Quebecers separate... from their tag
titles! And Ric Flair gets a (legend) killer behind
bars! Click
HERE to read the
Recapitation!
SURVIVOR SERIES 2004:
(11/14/04) Germans and Jews reconcile their differences
to stop the Grim reaper! John Cena returns from the
dead, and Jesus is at the forefront! plus, Booker T
prays for a sixth finger, and Randy Orton bursts
the bubble of the most inflated team in Survivor Series
history! Click
HERE to read the
Recapitation!
ARMAGEDDON 2004:
(12/12/04) It's Armageddon! And as foretold in the
Bible, Jesus has returned! Only this time he's wielding
a cookie-sheet instead of a flaming sword! Who knew?
Plus, in the spirit of Cheech & Chong, Mexicans
and marijuana combine to make Dupree & Kenzo's title
reign go up in smoke! And despite the implications of
Armageddon, the World and
the World Title reign of JBL survive the night. Go
figure. Click
HERE to read the
Recapitation!
NEW YEAR'S REVOLUTION
2005! (01/10/05) Triple H finally
gets Chris Jericho & Chris Benoit in a chamber,
but forgoes the poison pellet! Plus, Shelton Benjamin beats Maven like a
red-headed mono-browed step-child, Eugene
& Lita head to Medical facility in
Puerto Rico
, and secretly hope
the doctor who treated Bruiser Brody isn't on call, and
Muhammad Hassan is a victim of midcard profiling! Click
HERE to read the
Recapitation!
ROYAL RUMBLE 2005!
(01/30/05) The Road to Wrestlemania
21 begins, and this time it's man who becomes
road kill at the hands of an animal!
plus, Heidenreich ends up in a casket, but not in
the manner in which we'd prefer! JBL proclaims his
divinity! HHH does
Darwin
proud, and Vince
loses his mind...and his legs! Click
HERE to read the
Recapitation!
NO
WAY OUT
2005! (02/20/05)
Featuring the debut of the dreaded CARNIVORE that
was the Barb-wire steel cage! It once survived on
berries and shrubs alone, but now it has a taste for
men! (Just like Kanyon). Join Sean as he passes out
on the side of the Road To Wrestlemania, and decide for
yourself whether it was truly No Way Out, or "Which
way out?!" Click
HERE to read the
Recapitation!
WRESTLEMANIA XXI.
(04/03/05) It was the night Wrestlemania went Hollywood! (Sorta!) A
night Animals ran wild, Edge found lost money, HBK &
Angle put on a classic, and Wall-Street fell to...
Wahlberg? Sounds about right.
All this, plus much more!
Click
HERE to read the Recapitation!
BACKLASH 2005!
(05/01/05) Featuring Batista facing the single
greatest phenomenon to ever claim millions of
innocent lives: the NUCLEAR PEDIGREE~! Plus,
Hulk Hogan & Shawn Michaels (D-Generated (e)X
Champions?) battling Daivari, and a guy you're kinda
supposed to forget
ever existed! It's Backlash, a show so memorable, I
don't even remember writing this
Rant! Click
HERE to read the
Recapitation!
JUDGMENT DAY 2005!
(05/22/05) It's Judgment Day, a day when God
passes judgment and punishment on all
of humanity. And what better way to
punish people then to subject them to a
13th consecutive JBL Main Event push? Plus, Bob Holly gets his
obligatory Spring-time tag title shot, Mexican on tiny
Mexican crime, Big Show relives a Disney classic,
and Orlando Jordan gets away with
murder! Click
HERE to read the
Recapitation!
ECW ONE NIGHT STAND!
(06/12/05) Much like a real one night stand, ECW
delivered a night of no strings attached wanton
pleasure! Only, unlike a woman, it only cost us 35
dollars to get off! If only all one night stand's were
this fulfilling. In any event, join Sean as he looks at
the chaos, memories and brutality that was perhaps the
best pay-per-view of the last 5 years!
Click
HERE to read the
Recapitation!
VENGEANCE
2005! (06/26/05) Join the fun as HHH and
Batista move into the Devil's duplex, Kane, Edge and
Lita settle "divorce" the good old fashioned
way: with worked offense! HBK and Kurt
Angle get Biblical, and the Champ is still
here. All this plus much
more! Click
HERE to read the
Recapitation!
GREAT AMERICAN BASH
2005!
(07/24/05) The Not-So-Great American Bash. A night
where Undertaker single-handedly won the war on terror,
Animal found new love, and a Wrestling God punished
us heathens for our sins... by subjecting us to one of
the worst main event matches ever! Click
HERE to read the
Recapitation!
SUMMER
SLAM 2005! (08/21/05) It's the "Biggest
Party of the Summer". A night built entirely around a
match that for all intents and purposes looked like a
Hair Club ad for "Before" and "Way Before!" Plus, angry
atrophied Olympians look to murder the mentally
handicapped! An Animal battles a God that I suggest
might be a little more forgiving of
Sodom
&
Gomorrah
! Adultery is settled the
old fashioned way: WITH BODYSLAMS! And a child goes home
with the first diminutive Mexican to climb a ladder.
It's as true to life as you get. And I can't think of a
better way to spend a summer. Ok, I lied. I can. But no
one likes me, so I have no choice. Click
HERE to read the
Recapitation!
UNFORGIVEN
2005!
(09/18/05) It's WWE's most unforgiving show of the year;
and one that's apparently never read a fucking
dictionary in its life because it's not even a real
word: UNFORGIVEN! Featuring: A VICTORY for committed
relationships! The end of racial intolerance as we know
it! Divine intervention interceding to help a loyal
disciple escape the clutches of a glorified
rest-hold! Senior citizens involved in Gang Bangs! And
actual NUDITY on PPV! (Dear God, it's not what you
think.) You know, fun for the whole family! Click
HERE to read the
Recapitation!
NO MERCY 2005! (10/09/05) From
the people who brought you the Great American Bash,
comes this season's most uninteresting and forgetful
Pay-per-view: No Mercy! From BBQ'd wrestlers to BBQ'd
cheeseburgers, to matches built entirely around
disgusting bodily functions, there’s something for
everyone! Unless you’re normal. In that case you just
saved yourself forty dollars! Click HERE to read the
Recapitation!
TABOO TUESDAY
2005. (11/01/05) A night dedicated to people
who can't get laid! And just because it was the lowest
drawing WWE Pay-per-view EVER last year, doesn't mean
they shouldn't have tried it again! Oh wait, yes it
does. Regardless, it was the return of a night
where you finally had the power!...to choose from three
choices they've picked!...two of which are horrible. But
other than that, it's all up to you! YOU WERE THE
PROMOTER! Featuring, one man definitely not Big Show or
Kane joining Kurt Angle and John Cena in the main event,
HHH battling Ric Flair in a SURPRISE "non-predetermined"
match decided by YOU the fans (umm, don't let that huge
pre-assembled cage hanging above the ring influence
you!) ) and Batista steps in for Steve Austin who had to
move a love seat, to wrestle a career worst match
against Goldust, the Coach, and an extremely obese
Vader, who just earlier had three choices of his own to
make: Just what huge meal would he consume, pre-match?
(it was a three-way tie!) All this, plus much more!
Click
HERE to read the
Recapitation!
SURVIVOR SERIES
2005.
(11/27/05) From the people who brought you the complete
and utter destruction of Bret Hart's life comes Survivor
Series! It's RAW Vs. SmackDown! Men Vs. Women and
Children! And good sense versus the booking of a Teddy
Long Vs. Eric Bischoff match! On this night, WWE puts
that whole "brand extension" thing on hold for a night
of interpromotional mayhem! But things go back to normal
tomorrow, 'cause let's face it, you don't sell one
hundred ppv's in one year with just one roster! *ahem*.
Plus, the WWE title is on the line when The Marine John
Cena battles Kurt Angle. It's Leathernecks vs. Broken
Freakin' necks! Or something! Just how did Sean see Sur
Ser 2005? Click
HERE to read the
Recapitation!
ARMAGEDDON 2005. (12/18/05)
It's Armageddon! Undertaker and Randy Orton go to Hell!
Tim White goes to Heaven! The Mexicools stay in limbo!
What more could you want? (a decent show, maybe?) All
this, Plus much more!
Click
HERE to read the
Recapitation!
NEW YEAR'S
REVOLUTION 2006. (01/08/06)
Just how does a scumbag Adulterer become the top
babyface in the company? This PPV answers that question
and more! Well, except for the question of why Jerry
Lawler is wrestling on PPV. There's no answers for that!
It's New Year's Revolution!...over a week after New
Years! But hey, 'Middle of January Revolution' don't
sell pay-per-views, baby! Featuring Grandmothers
sexually assaulting Divas! Mothers fighting
their sons battles! And Son-in Laws smiting
Giants! Plus, the crowd has taken a page from this
show's name and revolted against John Cena! Did
they find justice? Click
HERE to read the
Recapitation!
ROYAL RUMBLE 2006.
(01/29/06) It's the RUMBLUS 2006: Where It All Begins
Again!? That's right. If you're a John Cena fan, this
was definitely your night; but if you're not, you're
probably still picking shards of TV glass out of your
fist right now! Plus, Rey Mysterio proves
really big things can happen to really little
people, while Kurt Angle versus Mark Henry proves that
bad matches can happen to great champions. All in all,
you'll feel like hurling yourself over the ropes after
this Rant! Click
HERE to read the
Recapitation!
WRESTLEMANIA 22
(04/02/06) It's Wrestlemania! The Grand Daddy of
Them All! Featuring actual Grand Daddy's wrestling in
High profile matches! It was a historic night, that
saw one streak end, two streaks continue, no one
streak in a Playboy match, and the need of selling
merchandise supersede the demands of a bunch of
angry dudes. Click
HERE to read the
Recapitation!
BACKLASH 2006 (04/30/06)
It's Backlash! A night of Holy miracles and holy
shit moments! A night where God took a
powder, The King of Kings jobbed for your sins,
and psychiatrists alike were baffled as to how
we can hear the inner most thoughts of tormented seven
foot demons! Just what did WWE have in store for us? Who
walked out as Champions, and who just plain didn't
walk out at
all? Click
HERE to read the
Recapitation!
UNFORGIVEN 2006
(09/17/06) It's the pay-per-view that just won't let
bygones be bygones! It's Unforgiven. And Sean was there
LIVE. Join us as Sean recounts his crazy day, the full
show, plus provides a bonus satire! All this plus John
Cena gives
Toronto
the big F.U.! A Canadian actually
gets to leave this company with a World Title! Kane and
Umaga believe in an eye for an eye and a thumb for
a thumb! Plus we find out what happens when Scottish
warriors from the middle ages battle cheerleaders! And
HBK puts heaven on hold to go to Hell with HHH (who's
going there anyway) to battle The McMahons, Big Show,
and hands like skillets! They can cook EGGS and deliver
punishment! All this plus so much more in this HUGE Rant
just brimming with ridiculousness~! Click
HERE to read the
Recapitation!
ROYAL RUMBLE 2007
(01/28/07) It's the Royal Rumble! The 2nd most important
pay-per-view of the year's scheduled 3000! And Sean has
all your results and buffoonery. Kelly Kelly handles
your balls! Test puts the 'Extreme' back in extremely
shitty finish! Another Kennedy is killed in
Texas
! The
Bulldozer runs out of gas! Batista's still on the gas!
And The Rumble goes to one of the most popular deadman
in
Texas
! (Not the Von
Erichs). All this, plus much more!
Click
HERE to read the
Recapitation!
NO
WAY OUT 2007 (02/18/07)
It's
No
Way
Out! The last-big money
grab before the Grand Daddy Of Them All! On this night,
The Road To Wrestlemania began, but there were several
casualties along the way, and one trip to a known
homosexual rest-stop! Ok, there wasn't, but I just
wanted to use that segue. In any event, it was a night
where Animals betrayed their Masters! An Asian redneck
and a Mexican worked in unison to stop the 13 month
rampage of a Hurricane! London & Kendrick channeled
AJAX
and cut through Grease! And Bobby Lashley
provided your fill of Extreme!... if the 'Extreme' you
were after was disappointment! All this, plus more!
Click
HERE to read the
Recapitation!
BACKLASH 2007 (04/30/07)
It's Backlash, the pay-per-view that leaves a bad taste
in God's mouth! A night where the WWE Championship
is contested by six-degrees of Marines! A Fake
Marine! A Disgraced Marine! A guy who got his ass kicked
by nine at once! And a guy... who lived a few miles from
Marineland? Close enough. Plus, Bobby Lashley is no
longer the (child-like) face of ECW! Undertaker and
Batista wrestle to a dead (HIYO) heat!
Cade & Murdoch generate no heat! Sean has all your
bases covered and more in one of the biggest most
jam-packed Rants EVER!
Click
HERE to read Sean's full insane
Recapitation!
ONE NIGHT STAND 2007
(06/03/07) After two memorable consecutive One Night
Stands, WWE delivers the kind you blame fully on alcohol
and never ever admit to enjoying! It's One Night Stand
2007! And Dr. Vince has surgically removed 95% of
ECW in favor of Great Khali & Mark Henry!
EC-DUBle cross! On this night, John Cena makes Great
Khali his own personal Pun-jobber! Edge enters an Animal
cage and lives to tell the tale! Dominatrix Bobby
Lashley enters into a S&M relationship with Vince
McMahon! (well, maybe just the S part) and women wrestle
in EXTREME pudding! What more could you want? ECW?
No soup for you. All this, plus much more! Click
HERE to read Sean's full insane
Recapitation!
NO MERCY
2007! (10/01/07) On the account of no
visible PPV Rant coming in that month, Sean Carless
pulled himself from his stupor to pull us through with
a No Mercy Halfcapitation or, "HOW I GOT
REALLY DRUNK AND LEARNED TO TOLERATE A TRIPLE H EGO
FUCK". It was the greatest night in the history of the
sport!... so long as your last name was umm,
Hearst-Helmsley? That's right, in one night,
Triple H made up for missing the previous 8 months by
pinning everyone and everything in his path! Plus The
dreaded Punjabi Prison returned! You
know,
India
's high security
Roofless Prison system? All this, plus much
more! Click
HERE to read Sean's
Recapitation Halfcapitation!
CYBER SUNDAY 2007
(10/28/07) It's Cyber Sunday! The PPV that only sounds
like a late night online encounter with an alleged
woman. But at least, during that, there's a chance you
might actually get what you want. Ahem. On this night,
we, the FANS had our voices heard! Unless that voice was
saying "We want Jericho". They didn't
hear that. Oh well. But what we did get was HBK shaking
off 3000 chinlocks to win his match against Randy
Orton...by disqualification. Because let's face
it, clean finishes on paid shows are silly. Triple H
took it to the streets... in his underwear! And an
Animal survived its trip to the
Pet
Cemetery
! Sean
has all your coverage and insane observations as only a
night of copious alcoholic self-abuse can provide! Click
HERE to read Sean's full insane
Recapitation!
ROYAL RUMBLE 2008
(01/29/08) Join Sean Carless for another
half-capitated spectacle of stupidity! Superman Returns!
Jeff Hardy is pinned by a Glass Ceiling! Chris Jericho
puts JBL in bondage, and somewhere Billy Silverman is
smiling! You know, before remembering he's still
unemployed. Plus, Roddy Piper and Jimmy Snuka carry
on their feud into the new millennium! No coconuts were
harmed, but a bowl of prunes may have been consumed! All
this, plus much more! Click
HERE to read Sean's moronic
rambling on all things
RUMBLE.
