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THE WRESTLING FAN
SATIRE PAGE!
SEAN CARLESS
FULL PARODY ARCHIVE!
In 2003, Sean Carless had a
dream. It probably involved nudity. Then he started
writing and illustrating satires that soon made us
the number 1 Wrestling Satire website on EARTH, the
moons and the Crab Nebula, and in turn turned TWF into
the pop-culture phenomenon it is today! Or yesterday!
(We need to really update this page. And we will!
Soon! Probably!).
Below you'll find the
cumulative TWF SATIRE directory featuring nearly seven
years worth of Sean's insane parodies; from Hulk Hogan's
journey from Eden to the Silverdome, bruther, to the
parody--WWE KIDS--that nearly got us sued,
you'll find the complete archives listed below, all
posted as they originally appeared here at TWF! So sit
back, take your pants off and stay awhile!
Or 2/3.
SATIRE:
HULKAMANIA FOREVER (12/12/03:): We all know that
by judging how slowly he moves in the ring, the Stark
Ravin' Hulkster is ancient, dude. But just how
Ancient? We now have the answers! Apparently,
Hulkamania began some 10,000 years ago, Jesus time! It's
true! And we HAVE the records! From the Ten
Commandments (shortened to 4 sometime in the mid-80's),
to how he *really* lost his hair, to the
ACTUAL first man (dude?) on the moon, History
has just been re-written, bruther. Click
HERE to
read!
SATIRE: REJECTED WWE
SHOPZONE ITEMS (01/16/04): The following Items are not
available for purchase on WWE Shopzone. Go figure.
From what makes Mark Henry stink a little less
(in-ring performances notwithstanding), to how
Bradshaw avoids disease whilst breaking the spirits of
much smaller men, we have all your bases
covered. Click
HERE to
read!
SATIRE: WWE FALL TV
PREVIEW (02/13/04:) This fall, CBS Viacom will
team with World Wrestling Entertainment to bring you
Classic TV revisited, only this time featuring WWE
personalities in starring roles, in their desperate
attempt to administer some FULL NIELSEN'S! (HIYO!). The
following is the scheduled line-up. Click
HERE to
read!
SATIRE: WWE
GOES TO THE MOVIES!
(03/19/04) From the people who subjected the World to
"WWE Originals" comes the latest offerings from WWE
Films, just in time for the Summer Blockbuster season!
And by "Blockbuster" we mean the store. And by the store
we mean the discount bin. And by discount bin, we
probably mean the dumpster out back; because there's a
better chance people will purchase fucking Police
Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol than any of these
abortions. But hey, whatever. Click
HERE to
read!
SATIRE: BROCK LESNAR:
WRESTLING WITH FOOTBALL (05/14/04) After taking his ball
and going home, Brock Lesnar has picked it up again, and
fumbled it in the NFL! Kind of. Here are the latest
completely true and not made up incidents The Next Big
Thing has partaken in while trying to adjust to the
gridiron from wrestling. Click
HERE to
read!
SATIRE:
CHRONICLES OF WARRIOR: OPERATION
WARRIOR!
(06/04/04)
The Amazing True ULTIMATE~! story of the fall of Saddam.
In a time of need, the U.S. government knew there was
only one man who could be counted on to turn the tide of
the Gulf War. That man was Ultimate Warrior. And he did
it all wearing only Speedoes. WARRIAH! Click
HERE
to
read!
SATIRE: CHRONICLES OF
WARRIOR: WARRIOR OF THE WORLDS! (07/16/04): Amidst
a full blown Extra-Terrestrial Invasion,
there was only ONE man to be counted on to dispose of
Aliens. Usually, they're just Mexicans, but hey
whatever. You take what you can get. Here is the
never before heard (in English, and not, umm, Warrior)
tale of how THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR saved the
whole of humanity by waging inter-galactic war on
a non-human plague! (not Hulkamania).
Click
HERE
to
read!
SATIRE: TV PREVIEW: HOGAN
KNOWS BEST! (04/24/05) Hulk Hogan is returning to
Network TV, bruther, with his very own Reality TV
show. And we have the *FIRST* look at what's in
store for us, dudes. Ep. 1-5 are detailed. No obese
Non-Americans were harmed in the making of this Series.
Yet. Click
HERE to
read!
SATIRE: THE
WRESTLING FAN.COM SHOPZONE:
(05/07/05) Over the last 3 years, I
have created wrestling related products SO
tasteless, that they could only be found right HERE at
The Wrestling Fan.com! And maybe Hell. It replaces
sulfur and burning on Wednesdays. Here is the full
collection on ONE page. Click
HERE
to
read!
SATIRE: RAW IS
STARWARS!
(05/13/05) Now that George Lucas seemingly has A
LOT of time on his hands, (when he's not counting his
money), I take a look at what WWE might be
like, if the show was written by Mr. Star Wars himself.
Click here to read RAW IS STAR WARS! Click
HERE to
read!
SATIRE: ULTIMATE WARRIOR 4
PRESIDENT! (07/30/05) In this edition, Sean
Carless takes a ridiculous look at a potential 2008
Presidential bid for the Ultimate Warrior with: ULTIMATE
WARRIOR FOR PRESIDENT! Just how would the Warrior-man
handle the "tough" issues like immigration, the war on
terror, and abortion? Press Slams? Probably. It always
seemed to work for everything else. Click
HERE to
read!
SATIRE: H
2.0: GUESS WHHHO's HHHHAVING A BABY!
(01/18/06) A ridiculous look at the peaks
and valleys of the Helmsley's first child. What's in
store for Triple H and Steph over the next nine months;
and how will HHH react when someone is yelling "push!"
and it isn't directed at him? It's all here! From
copulation to birth and beyond, I've clearly gone too
far. Click
HERE to
read!
SATIRE: LIFE AFTER
WRESTLING: JOBS AFTER DOING JOBS!: (02/11/06). Just what does a
wrestler do when he doesn't wrestle anymore? Sean
explores this and more in perhaps his most ridiculous
Satire ever! From Lita being the perfect host! (for
diseases?) to Jake Roberts DDTing mortality, Ric Flair
putting his "Road Rage" to good use, and Goldberg
"jack-hammering" for Jehovah, it's all here and
more! Click
HERE to
read!
SATIRE: WWE
STRAIGHT TO DVD RELEASES!
(03/15/06) In this satire, Sean looks at
possible future movie vehicles for various WWE stars,
and what may be on the horizon for WWE cough*XFL*cough
Films. Click
HERE to read!
SATIRE: THE DREAM MATCH:
SHAWN MICHAELS VS. JESUS!: (05/04/06) Just when
you thought WWE couldn't sink any lower with the HBK/God
storyline, Sean Carless chimes in with the MONEY match
we REALLY want to see: "THE DREAM MATCH: Shawn Michaels
Vs. Jesus!" Just how would the resilient HBK fare
against the even more resilient King of Kings (the
non-Lemmy bearded variety) in a thrilling catch as catch
can (and not fish) tête - à - tête? And what kind of
offense could we expect out of the Savior? Sean breaks
it all down and probably guarantees eternal damnation,
all for you reading pleasure! Click
HERE to
read!
SATIRE: ECW
GOES SCI-FI!
(05/31/06) With the announcement that ECW is set to
debut on the Sc-Fi channel, speculation abounded as to
what Vince had in mind when he claimed that ECW would
*appeal* to Sci-Fi fans. With that said, join Sean as he
takes a ridiculous look at potential science-fiction
inspired gimmicks for ECW stars and the possible new
faces that will join the fold! Sabu leaps from the top
rope and through time! RVD hunts down the future leader
of the human resistance with potatoes! Tazz calls the
action in a 6 inch tall plastic space suit! It's all
here! No Trekkies were harmed in the making of this
satire. Except one. But he was morbidly overweight
anyway, so it was probably just natural causes.
Click
HERE to
read!
SATIRE: DISCONTINUED WWE
XMAS PRODUCTS!: (11/20/06) With Christmas just around
the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining
dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up
of fucking pay-per-views this year) then on the
following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they
don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might
get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic
buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to
tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not
telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.). Click
HERE to read Sean's
ridiculous Shopzone spoof!
VIDEO SATIRE: WWE's 12 DAYS
OF CHRISTMAS! (12/15/06) WWE took so much from us
this year (mainly our money, but hey, what's rent and
food compared to the hilarious boyish antics of DX~!),
so it's only fair we take a look at what they actually
GAVE us. In any event, this is TWF's first ever full
video Satire, so Click here to watch as Sean butchers a
Christmas classic, TWF-style. (and does it all
ass-backwards in honor of the WWE.). Click
HERE to
read!
 SATIRE: WWE ACQUIRES THE HISTORY
CHANNEL:
(01/19/07)
For years, people have asked, "What would happen if
Vince McMahon could dictate recorded world history?" OK,
no one ever said that. But it doesn't mean that we can't
pretend, right? Join Sean Carless as he looks at how
Vince McMahon would spin history if it were indeed for
sale. From Bryan Clarke ending World conflicts to Triple
H conquering most of Europe with thunderous pedigrees,
to Divas being burned at the stake, Sean has all your
bases covered and then some. Click
HERE to
read!
WWE.COM PARODY: LIVE FROM
THE PUNJAB! (07/25/07) If one thing is
abundantly clear, it's that WWE.com has some of the
best writers never, hence the following parody of a
WWE.com article on The Great Khali. While it was already
horribly subtly racist, I decided "why be even
that subtle?" and replaced several key words in the
piece to make it even worse. This was the result. Click
HERE to
read!
WWE.COM
PARODY: LINDA MCMAHON GOES BERSERK!
(08/10/07) Sean Carless returns with
BREAKING NEWZ out of Stamford! Linda McMahon has gone
HAYWIRE and murdered several WWE superstars! Click
HERE for all the
details on this incredibly fake and untrue story!
SATIRE: TWF
HELL (08/30/07) Where
stupid and completely tasteless ideas go when they die!
Join Sean as he takes you through some previous
discarded ideas for satires and parodies that often
bring new meaning to the term "inappropriate". But be
warned, most content contained within is Not Work Safe
so enter at your own discretion! (Page also contains
many .gif animations, so dial-up beware!). Click
HERE to go to
Hell!
SATIRE: THE
NIGHT BEFORE CHHHRISTMAS!:
(12/24/07) A Special
Christmas Gift on Christmas Eve, From Me To You, To
HHH to the 4 consecutive tag teams pinned
under his heaving body. Click
HERE To
Read!
WWE.COM
PARODY: WWE CELEBRATES BLACK HISTORY
MONTH!:
(02/02/08) The
following
section on WWE.com was just created. And
well, Wow. So with WWE obviously not seeing that a few
of these stereotyped characters aren't exactly something
that should be celebrated, I just had to parody it,
right? RIGHT? (This is the part where you agree with
me). Click HERE to
read!
VIDEO
SATIRE: THE HAUNTING 2: OWEN A
LIVING!
(02/09/08)
News outlets have picked up the story that OWEN HART is
apparently haunting Kemper Arena, so I just *had* to
hammer bad taste home and create a truly absurd parody,
right? Right? (This is the part where you agree with
me.). The following is a VIDEO PARODY, but reads like a
standard TWF satire. It's done so in video format to
allow for the truly huge animation files contained
within, and for music. Click
HERE to
watch/read~!
WWE.COM
PARODY: "WWE TAGLINE POLL"
(02/21/08) That's right, I've added
several new submissions of my own to our parody of
WWE's actual (really terrible) tagline survey, in
addition to adding my *personal favorite* reader
submissions, as well. Click
HERE to see and
contribute to the "poll"!
SATIRE: TNA STRAIGHT TO DVD
RENTALS~!:
(03/21/08) Because, WWE isn't
the only company capable of producing completely shitty
movies starring wrestlers! From Jay Lethal breaking the
spirit of women by keeping them locked away (Hey, just
like the real Randy Savage!) to Curry Man on a murderous
rampage throughout South Texas, I have all your bases
covered and more! Click
HERE to
read!
SATIRE: WWE
KIDS PREVIEW!
(04/25/08) WWE has a brand new business model: Market
exclusively towards children! And they've even started a
new website in an effort to hook new pre-teen
viewers! This is TWF's interpretation of that
Website! From Jerry Lawler's illegal Diva Search to
Story-time with Kane to John Cena teaching your children
how to shit and then create comedy from the waste, it's
all covered here and more! Click
HERE to
read!
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