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RETRO RANT: WRESTLEMANIA XX! (03/05/08) Where it all began again...for about six months anyway; then it pretty much went back to the exact same company as before! But whatever. It was a night to behold! Vanilla midgets had their revenge! Aryan Supermen battled hulking Jews while the whole thing is overseen by an angry redneck! A deadman returns from the great beyond and looks ready to hit a Honky tonk bar! It's CRAZY. Click HERE to read Sean's Recapitation! Updated:
RETRO RANT: WRESTLEMANIA 19! (02/27/08) With just about one month before this year's Grand Daddy Of Them All, Join Sean Carless for his original Rant of Wrestlemania 19! On this night, Triple H sets race relations back a hundred years! Brock Lesnar debuts his vaunted Shooting star face-plant! Stone Cold & Rock make the only good third sequel in history! HBK turns the other cheek, while refusing to put his shoulders down! And Hulkamania meets Egomania, in a battle twenty years in the not really giving a shit about! All this, plus so much more! Click HERE to read Sean's Recapitation! Updated:
Former TWF Staffer Martin Ferguson returns to dust off the oft-forgotten TWF SOUR 25! (02/22/08) Obviously spoofing WWE's "Power25", TWF Sour 25 ranks the Top 25 (Bottom 25?) wrestling offenders, blunderers, idiots or the just plain misfortunate of the week in classic TWF style, based on that particular writer's opinions snd standards. Just who clocked in at number one this week, and why? Click HERE to read this month's edition Updated:
James Walker returns with the let's just pretend it's not almost a week later NO WAY OUT 2008 RANT~! (02/22/08) It's No Way Out! Featuring the Elimination Chamber that there's no way out of! Well, if you ignore Undertaker accidentally falling through the cage completely exposing the gimmick. Other than that, no one got out! Well, Ok they did get out, but you what? Fuck this PPV name. On this night, the only thing there was definitely no way out of was realizing that you just paid another 45 dollars for like the 4th Randy Orton Pay-per-view disqualification in the last 6 months. But hey, at least both HHH and Undertaker are going to Wrestlemania! Man, it's about time WWE gave these two the chance to be prominently featured at the Big Dance! Ahem. All this, plus much more! Click HERE to read! Updated:
(02/21/08) TWF's "WWE TAGLINE POLL" has been updated! That's right,
I've added several new submissions of my own to our parody of WWE's
actual (terrible) tagline survey, in addition to adding my
personal favorite reader submissions as well. Click HERE to see the "poll"! Updated:
THE VAULT with Sean Carless is now updated! (02/20/08) We’re on the Road to Wrestlemania, but first, Sean once again takes an off road piss break as he journeys back some 23 years to where it all began: WRESTLEMANIA 1! It's 1985, and long before Vince had visions of paying useless strippers 250 K for sitting in pies, or nearly bankrupting the company with bush-league football, he had a dream: WRESTLEMANIA! An event SO huge, it could only be carried on Hulk Hogan’s Barn Door Back, Bruther. Click HERE to read Sean’s Recapitation! Updated:
RETRO RANT DOUBLE HEADER: NO WAY OUT! (02/15/08) First up, James Walker's original recap of NO WAY OUT 2006! It was a night of angry deadmen as Taker is pissed, and Eddie is shaking his head from above saying "No wonder I turned on this fucking guy so many times". It was the feelgood pay-per-view of the season!...Well, unless you're name was Rey Mysterio. Click HERE to read! Then check out Sean
Carless's original look at last year's event with NO WAY OUT 2007! The last-big money grab before the Grand
Daddy Of Them All! On this night, The Road To Wrestlemania began, but
there were several casualties along the way, and one trip to a known
homosexual rest-stop! Ok, there wasn't, but I just wanted to use that
segue. In any event, it was a night where Animals betrayed their Masters!
An Asian redneck and a Mexican worked in unison to stop the 13 month
rampage of a Hurricane! London & Kendrick channeled AJAX and cut
through Grease! And Bobby Lashley provided your fill of Extreme!... if the
'Extreme' you were after was disappointment! All this, plus more! Click
HERE to read the Recapitation!
Updated: Sean Carless returns with a *brand new* VIDEO SATIRE: THE HAUNTING 2: OWEN A LIVING! (02/09/08) News outlets have picked up the story that OWEN HART is apparently haunting Kemper Arena, so I just *had* to hammer bad taste home and create a truly absurd parody, right? Right? (This is the part where you agree with me.). The following is a VIDEO PARODY, but reads like a standard TWF satire. It's done so in video format to allow for the truly huge animation files contained within, and for music. Click HERE to watch/read~! Updated: RETRO RANT! (02/08/08) With just about a week before this year's event, let us now take a look back to Sean Carless' original Rant of NO WAY OUT 2005! Featuring the debut of the dreaded CARNIVORE that was the Barb-wire steel cage! It once survived on berries and shrubs alone, but now it has a taste for men! (Just like Kanyon). Join Sean as he passes out on the side of the Road To Wrestlemania, and decide for yourself whether it was truly No Way Out, or "Which way out?!" Click HERE to read the Recapitation! Updated:
WWE.COM PARODY: WWE CELEBRATES BLACK HISTORY MONTH! (02/02/08) The following section on WWE.com was just created. And well, Wow. So with WWE obviously not seeing that a few of these stereotyped characters aren't exactly something that should be celebrated, we here at TWF just had to parody it, right? RIGHT? (This is the part where you agree with us). Click HERE to see TWF's parody. Updated:
RETRO RANT! (02/01/08) With just a few weeks before this year's event, let us now take a look back to Sean Carless' original Rant of NO WAY OUT 2004! A night, that much like this great country, was built upon the back of hardworking Mexicans! All culminating with Eddie Guerrero battling Brock Lesnar for the WWE Title! It's "Here comes the Pain" versus "There goes the painkillers", and something has to give! Click HERE to read Sean's Recapitation! Updated:
HALFCAPITATION: ROYAL
RUMBLE 2008: QUICK AND DIRTY! (01/29/08) Before you get a detailed full Recap, join
Sean Carless for his inebriated spectacle of stupidity! Superman Returns!
Jeff Hardy is pinned by a Glass Ceiling! Chris Jericho puts JBL in
bondage! And somewhere Billy Silverman is smiling! You know, before
remembering he's still unemployed. Plus, Roddy Piper and Jimmy Snuka
carry on their feud into the new millennium! No coconuts were harmed, but
a bowl of prunes may have been consumed! All this, plus much more! Click
HERE to read Sean's moronic rambling on all things
RUMBLE. Updated:
RETRO RANT: ROYAL RUMBLE 2007! (01/24/08) With just about a few days remaing until this year's Rumble, let us look back at Sean Carless's original look at 2007's! It's the Royal Rumble! The 2nd most important pay-per-view of the year's scheduled 3000! And Sean has all your results and buffoonery. Kelly Kelly handles your balls! Test puts the 'Extreme' back in extremely shitty finish! Another Kennedy is killed in Texas! The Bulldozer runs out of gas! Batista's still on the gas! And The Rumble goes to one of the most popular deadman in Texas! (Not the Von Erichs). All this, plus much more! Click HERE to read the Recapitation! Updated:
THE VAULT returns with an *all new* edition, as Sean Carless tackles WWE 24/7's look at BLACK SATURDAY! (01/21/08) Join Sean as he looks back to July 14, 1984 and the *first-time* Vince McMahon and his horrible houndstooth jacket invaded World Championship Wrestling! Are you ready for some kick ass action and incredible wrestling? Well, you better try elsewhere, bub, unless you're really into ten minute bear-hugs! All this, plus much more bear-hugs! Click HERE to read Sean's review~! Updated:
(01/16/08) Sean Carless returns with a very special one time only ECW ON SCI-FI RANT: ECW: WITH ENOUGH VELOCITY, YOU CAN CREATE HEAT. Click HERE to read Sean's unbridled ridiculousness~! Updated:
RETRO RANT: ROYAL RUMBLE 2006! (01/12/08) With just about a couple of weeks remaing until this year's Rumble, let us look back at Sean Carless's original look at 2006's! It's the RUMBLUS 2006: Where It All Begins... Again!? That's right. If you're a John Cena fan, this was definitely your night; but if you're not, you're probably still picking shards of TV glass out of your fist right now! Plus, Rey Mysterio proves really big things can happen to really little people, while Kurt Angle versus Mark Henry proves that really bad matches can happen to really great champions. All in all, you'll feel like hurling yourself over the ropes after this Rant! Click HERE to read the Recapitation! Updated:
BLFK SPECIAL FEATURE: PYRO & BALLYHOO~!: A Proper Gentleman's Guide To TN Of A. (01/10/08) By now, most of us are familiar with the TNA Impact script leaked onto the internet, and the subsequent hilarious coining in said script of the expression "PYRO & BALLYHOO". Join guest TNA Recapper, Rupert Cuthbertson-Smythe, who much like the expression ballyhoo, comes to us straight from the 1800's, for his very special one-time only recap of last Thursday's Impact! Click HERE to read TNA Ye Olde English-style~! Updated:
RETRO RANT: ROYAL RUMBLE 2005! (01/09/08) With just a few weeks until this year's Rumble, let us look back at Sean Carless's original look at 2005's! The Road to Wrestlemania 21 begins, and this time it's man who becomes road kill at the hands of an animal! Plus, Heidenreich ends up in a casket, but not in the manner in which we'd prefer! JBL proclaims his divinity! HHH does Darwin proud, and Vince loses his mind...and his legs! Click HERE to read the Recapitation! Updated:
TWF Presents: The 5th Annual Fanny Awards! (01/03/08) It's our version of Wrestlemania! It's The Fannys! Internet wrestling's most tasteless and ridiculous Year-End Awards are back! 34 HUGE categories and something's got to give! But mostly taste and good sense. Contained within, we crown a writer of the year for 2007 as voted by YOU, and of course look at all the best of the best and the worst of the worst in wrestling, with one ridiculous offensive joke after another! But be warned, this piece is a BEAST. So if you're on Dial-up you may want to pack a lunch, and bring a change of clothes! Click HERE to read the morbidly obese juggernaut that is the 2007 FANNY AWARDS! Updated:
RETRO RANT! With just a few weeks before this year's event, let us now take a look back to Sean's original Rant of ROYAL RUMBLE 2004! (12/31/07) The Vanilla midget finally stands tall! Well, as tall as you can stand at 5'8". Plus, "family issues" are resolved the good old fashion way! With flying headscissors and planchas! HHH and HBK face the conundrum of what happens when two entities consisting of not wanting to do jobs come into contact with one another, and Brock Lesnar faces the toughest test of his career! ...Trying not to laugh at the plight of Bob Holly. Click HERE to read Sean's Recapitation! Updated:
(12/25/07) Sean Carless returns with a Special Holiday Satire: THE NIGHT BEFORE CHHHRISTMAS~! Click HERE to read! Updated:
TWF READER GIFTS~! (12/24-25/07) As inspired from WWE 24/7, the TWF Staff Present Their Favorite Columns and Features for YOU the Readers of The Wrestling Fan! (Good luck exchanging it for something of value though..) Click HERE to see some of the TWF Staff's "Gifts"! Updated:
Catherine Perez returns with the WWE ARMAGEDDON 2007 RANT! (12/17/07) It's Armageddon...for what, the 8th time? Although, this could be the *real deal* this time because HHH DID A CLEAN JOB, ON PAY-PER-VIEW. I think that's in the Bible. One more seal to go! Plus, Edge enables the Konami cheat code to take the World title for himself..and himself and himself! You think you know, umm, them? And in honor of Armageddon, The Savior is here, but gets stopped in his tracks by GOD himself! He then said let there be pointless main event disqualifications. And there was. And it was... disappointing? Definitely. All this, plus much more! Click HERE to read Catherine's full Rant! Updated:
RETRO RANT DOUBLE-HEADER! (12/16/07) With just hours away from this year's event, let us take a look back to the last two Armageddon's! First, in 2005, with Sean Carless' Recapitation of ARMAGEDDON 2005! Undertaker and Randy Orton go to Hell! Tim White goes to Heaven! The Mexicools stay in limbo! What more could you want? (a decent show, maybe?) All this, Plus much more! Click HERE to read the Recapitation! And then join Joe
Merrick with last year's edition: ARMAGEDDON 2006! It's Armageddon! And although
the Earth was spared yet again, unfortunately your wallet was not!
Featuring: Two World Champions in the ring, AT THE SAME TIME! It's a
first! Well, if you ignore Survivor Series. And umm, Cyber Sunday. But
still! A skin-headed white man lights a black man on fire in the deep
south and no one's offended! WWE pretty much guarantees you'll never let
your children sit on Santa's lap again! Joey Mercury is all dressed up
with no face to go! And Undertaker and Ken Kennedy remake a heartwarming
classic: Driving
Updated:
RETRO RANT: ARMAGEDDON 2004! (12/13/07)With just a few days before this year's event, let us take a look back to 2004 with Sean Carless' original look at Armageddon 2004! It's Armageddon! And as foretold in the Bible, Jesus has returned! Only this time he's wielding a cookie-sheet instead of a flaming sword! Who knew? Plus, in the spirit of Cheech & Chong, Mexicans and marijuana combine to make Dupree & Kenzo's title reign go up in smoke! And despite the implications of Armageddon, the World and the World Title reign of JBL survive the night. Go figure. Click HERE to read Sean's Recapitation! Updated: Sean Carless returns with an *ALL NEW* BACK-LEG FRONTKICK! (12/08/07) Obscenely Huge Year End edition! Featuring The Death Superman! The Death Of A Guy Who Never Existed! People We Wished Never Existed! The Rise And Fall, and Fall And Fall Of ECW! The Return Of Conan The Midcard Destroyer! The Plight Of Made In The USA, err, ICU Lex Luger! Y2J Saves Us From Everything But North Carolina Apathy! Vince McMahon Blows Up, Stitches Himself Back Together, Then Apparently Puts Wile E. Coyote In Charge of Creative! Plus, Bonus Items For The Xmas Season, And Mick Foley Starring In "I AM HARDCORE LEGEND". All This, Plus Much More! Click HERE to read! Updated:
Catherine Perez presents the SURVIVOR SERIES 2007 PPV RANT! (11/19/07) It's Survivor Series, ten years removed from the infamous screwjob, and HBK finally does the job! Somewhere, Bret Hart is smiling. Although, that could just be an involuntary muscle spasm. Strokes will do that to a guy. Plus, HHH buries the hatchet, and everyone one else, bar Jeff Hardy, and Undertaker and Batista go to Hell! No Animals were harmed in the making of this match! All this, plus much more! Click HERE to read Catherine's review, plus a few insane Sean Carless comments and pictures as well! Updated:
With just a few days before this year's Event, we take a look back to last year's with James Walker's SURVIVOR SERIES 2006 RANT! (11/16/07) A night where Legends are born, and people do jobs when they're leaving the company... whether they want to or not! Featuring: Team Rated RKO against Team umm, X? (DX, the three X's of CM Punk, an EX-drug addict, and a dude obsessed with his EX.). Plus, it's 200 years of wrestling experience vs. 200 consecutive losses to Triple H and Shawn Michaels when Ric Flair's legends meet The Spirit Squad! Two proud African Americans stand tall when John Cena and Bobby Lashley trump Team Big Show! Lita leaves the business the same way she first gained access to it: flat on her back! And Batista changes his name to Bastille for one night to annihilate the kingdom of Booker T! All this, plus much more. Click HERE to read! Updated:
RETRO RANT: SURVIVOR SERIES 2004! (11/12/07) With just one week until this year's event, join Sean Carless as we look back to his original Rant of Survivor Series 2004! Germans and Jews reconcile their differences to stop the Grim reaper! John Cena returns from the dead, and Jesus is at the forefront! plus, Booker T prays for a sixth finger, and Randy Orton bursts the bubble of the most inflated team in Survivor Series history! Click HERE to read the Recapitation! Updated!
James Walker makes TWF return with an *all new" WHITE VANS AND CANDY~! Kind of! (11/08/07) In this edition, White Vans and Candy presents: James' Drunken State Of Wrestling Address! Click HERE to read! Updated:
RETRO RANT: SURVIVOR SERIES 2003! (11/05/07) With just a few weeks until this year's event, join Sean Carless as we look back to his original Rant of Survivor Series 2003! It's the Survivor Series! Now with one less McMahon! And as a result, Bret Hart hates this pay-per-view a little less. Featuring: Brock Lesnar learning that you can lead a Hoss to water, but you can't make them win. Wait, that's not how that goes. Plus, Vince McMahon buries The Undertaker, and Goldberg surprisingly avoids the same fate at the hands of HHH! Click HERE to read Sean's Recapitation! Updated:
DONE! (10/31/07) The Sixth Child returns with another edition of "Done!": A look at the world of wrestling through the eyes of a film buff! This week's parody: "DAZED AND CONFUSED" Starring multiple WWE Superstars! Click HERE to read! Updated: Sean Carless returns with the WWE CYBER SUNDAY 2007 RECAPITATION! (10/29/07) It's Cyber Sunday! The PPV that only sounds like a late night online encounter with an alleged woman. But at least, during that, there's a chance you might actually get what you want. Ahem. On this night, we, the FANS had our voices heard! Unless that voice was saying "We want Jericho". They didn't hear that. Oh well. But what we did get was HBK shaking off 3000 chinlocks to win his match against Randy Orton...by disqualification. Because let's face it, clean finishes on paid shows are silly. Triple H took it to the streets in his underwear! And an Animal survived its trip to the Pet Cemetery! Sean has all your coverage and insane observations as only a night of copious alcoholic self-abuse can provide! Click HERE to read the Recapitation! Updated:
RETRO RANT: CYBER SUNDAY 2006! (10/25/07) With just a few days until this year's event, join James Walker as we look back to 2006 and Cyber Sunday! Usually the combination of "cyber" and half naked dudes in their underwear is enough to send anyone running for the hills, but WWE manages to make it work (kind of). It's a night where the fans voices are finally heard! It's just too bad what they're saying isn't all that interesting! On this night, Dusty Rhodes gets the shaft in favor of Roddy Piper; but the Hot Rod pays tribute to the Dream by wrestling in his body! Plus, Jeff Hardy is back on the blow!...as in spots that is! Randy Orton & Edge dig their way out of their hole long enough to upset DX! And manufactured poser K-Fed returns to destroy one of his very own people when he costs John Cena his chance to be the champion of champions... and start a potentially bloody west coast-east coast farm country turf war! All this, plus much more! Click HERE to read! Updated:
RETRO RANT: TABOO TUESDAY 2005! (10/22/07) With just under one week until this year's event, join Sean Carless as we look back to 2005 and the 2nd ever Taboo Tuesday! Featuring, one man definitely not Big Show or Kane joining Kurt Angle and John Cena in the main event, HHH battling Ric Flair in a SURPRISE "non-predetermined" match decided by YOU the fans (umm, don't let that huge pre-assembled cage hanging above the ring influence you!) ) and Batista steps in for Steve Austin who had to move a love seat, to wrestle a career worst match against Goldust, the Coach, and an extremely obese Vader, who just earlier had three choices of his own to make: Just what huge meal would he consume, pre-match? (it was a three-way tie!) All this, plus much more! Click HERE to read the Recapitation! Updated:
RETRO RANT: TABOO TUESDAY 2004! (10/17/07) With just under two weeks until this year's event, join Sean Carless as we look back to 2004 and the original Taboo Tuesday! A HISTORIC night where, FINALLY, YOU got to have your voice heard! It's just too bad what you end up "saying" was what we've pretty much been seeing for 2 years anyway! Damn you for opening your big mouth! Featuring: For the first time in history, the father of the baby is aborted! HHH and 3/4's of Shawn Michaels wage war! Chris Benoit helps two Quebecers separate... from their tag titles! And Ric Flair gets a (legend) killer behind bars! Click HERE to read the Recapitation as it happened that night! Updated:
Sean Carless takes his turn this month with the TWF SOUR 25! (10/12/07) Obviously spoofing WWE's "Power25", TWF Sour 25 ranks the Top 25 (Bottom 25?) wrestling offenders, blunderers, idiots or the just plain misfortunate of the week in classic TWF style. Just who clocked in at number one this week, and why? Click HERE to read this month's edition! Updated:
Retro Review: G.I. Joe The Movie! (10/11/07) Sean Carless breaks out the nostalgia time machine for a ridiculous look at 1987's cult classic: G.I. Joe The Movie! Click HERE to read! Updated:
(10/08/07) Before Anvil's full detailed PPV Report, join Sean Carless for the quick and dirty results with his NO MERCY 2007 RAMBLINGS~! Click HERE to read Sean's ridiculous take! Updated:
"FAN LAWS"! (10/05/07) The Fan Laws, patterned after Miller Lite's "Man Laws" are a collection of wrestling clichés, rules and observations one finds only in the wonderful world of pro wrestling! Click HERE to read the latest entries by YOU in this ongoing project! Newest entries start on Page 2! Updated: Sean Carless returns this week with a special look at RAW from his deranged perspective with RAW RECAPPING FOR DUMMIES~! (10/02/07). After you've read Cameron's legit report, by all means check out Sean's one-time only review for a dose of unbridled ridiculousness! Triple H does a job to the guy who passes him the salt every Sunday night at dinner! Cody Rhodes is fed to the Rookie Monster! And Randy Orton finds Super Cena's Kryptonite! All this, plus much more! Click HERE to read Sean's insane RAW ramblings! Updated:
RETRO-RANT! (07/30/07) With just a week before this year's event, we take a look back to James Walker's original recap of NO MERCY 2006! It's the return of WWE's most merciless pay-per-view, particularly for the eyes and stomach on this evening. Featuring match # 3568 in the ongoing "Best of Eternity" series between Matt Hardy and Gregory Helms! A Kennedy ends up in the possession of an Undertaker, and this time Oliver Stone doesn't give a shit! Plus, two big debuts including the first ever pay-per-view appearances of both MVP and... the naked penis of William Regal! Dear Lord! And if that isn't enough, we have evil monarchs, soft-spoken giants, talking animals and leprechauns running amok on top! Is this a ppv main event, or the world's shittiest Disney movie? You decide! Click HERE to read! Updated: BREAKING NEWZ~!: SUPER SECRET WRESTLEMANIA 24 DREAMCARD LEAKED! (09/21/07) Join Professional Truth-Teller Sean Carless as he reveals the huge Wrestlemania card Vince McMahon doesn't want you to know about! Mostly because it's a lie! Ahem. Click HERE for all the latest details! Updated:
RETRO-RANT! (09/21/07) With a few weeks before this year's event, we take a look back to Sean Carless's original recap of NO MERCY 2003! One week before her wedding, a Father gives away the bride... forever... by choking the life out of her. If only all weddings cost this little. Plus, a Wolverine gets on the tracks and causes an A-Train to derail! Zach Gowen gets a leg up on Matt Hardy, Eddie Guerrero goes from the fire into the frying pan hands, and Undertaker battles Brock Lesnar in the "first ever" Biker chain match. And last. Thank God. Click HERE to read Sean's Recapitation! Updated:
Anvil's Swagbag presents the WWE UNFORGIVEN 2007 RANT! (09/17/07) After getting a Title shot for every mile he's walked through a pit of danger, Batista finally gets his belt back! Well it IS Sunday. He did say he was taking it back. Maybe we should have believed him all 30 other times he mentioned it. Plus, The Deadman returns for a dead crowd, and by virtue of a DQ, John Cena guarantees more chinlocks in our future! All this, plus much more! Click HERE to read the full report! Updated: Sean Carless fills in for the vacant TNA Recap position this week with the one-time-only TNA IMPACT RECAPITATION! (09/14/07) Join Sean as he tackles Russoland for the first time in over a year, and marvel as he slips dangerously into an alcohol induced coma as a result. (seriously.). Click HERE to read Sean's full insane Recapitation! Updated:
RETRO-RANT! (09/07/07) With just a couple of weeks before this year's event, we take a look back to Sean Carless's original recap of UNFORGIVEN 2003! It's Unforgiven! The show that holds grudges. And then presents grudge matches that you don't want to see! I mean, JR & King vs. Coach & Al Snow? Dear lord. Plus, Shane battles Kane as the rain falls mainly on the plain, and HHH loses a quick ten pounds for his upcoming wedding! Click HERE to read Sean's Recapitation! Updated:
Joe Merrick returns with an *all-new* LOW BLOW! (08/31/07) In this return edition, Joe presents "THE TOP TEN EXCERPTS FROM WRESTLING DOCUMENTARIES THAT WOULD BE AWESOME IF THEY ACTUALLY HAPPENED". Click HERE to read! Updated Sean Carless returns with the TWF HELL. (08/30/07) Where stupid and completely tasteless ideas go when they die! Join Sean as he takes you through some previous discarded ideas for satires and parodies that often bring new meaning to the term "inappropriate". But be warned, most content contained within is Not Work Safe so enter at your own discretion! (Page also contains many .gif animations, so dial-up beware!). Click HERE to go to Hell! Updated:
Anvil's Swagbag presents the WWE SUMMER SLAM 2007 RANT! (08/27/07) It's Summer Slam. The Biggest Party of the Summer! And in this case, it's akin to "the party" where you leave bitter, unfulfilled and have to masturbate in your bathroom when you get home because no one loves you. Ok, maybe just the first two parts. In any event, join current TWF PPV recapmeister Anvil as he breaks down all the happenings of Summerslam! And by "happenings" let's just pretend something actually happened on this fucking show! Yup. All this, plus big returns! Rey Mysterio! Triple H! Triple H's long-lost abs! It's all here! Click HERE to read! Updated: Saturday Night's Main Event Rant! (08/20/07) WWE returns to Network TV once again with Saturday Night's Main Event!... and Mr. McMahon would really appreciate it if you didn't flip the channel over to fucking Cops again like the other 3 times it aired. Besides, WWE does shirtless rednecks running amok WAY BETTER than Cops ever could. Trust us. In any event, join legitimate assholes Joe Merrick & Anvil as they cover the possible revelation of illegitimate McMahon children along with all other SNME goodness! Click HERE to read! Updated: Updated: WWE.COM PARODY: (08/10/07) Sean Carless returns with BREAKING NEWZ out of Stamford! Linda McMahon has gone HAYWIRE and murdered several WWE superstars! Click HERE for all the details on this incredibly fake and untrue story! Updated: RETRO-RANT! (08/06/07) With just a few weeks before this year's event, we take a look back to Sean Carless's original recap of SUMMER SLAM 2004! Retards get sacrificed! Hometown boys get run out of town on a rail! Wolverines euthanized! Grim Reapers assault millionaires! Strippers get balls in the face! And the crowning of a fake youngest champion ever! What more could you want? A crowd that'd respect what they are watching, instead of doing the fucking wave? Umm, probably. Click HERE to read! Updated:
RETRO-RANT! (07/30/07) With less than a month before this year's event, we take a look back to Sean Carless's original recap of SUMMER SLAM 2003! It's Summer-time! And the living is easy. Pity you won't feel the same way after this fucking show is done. Featuring: The only Jew on earth insisting he get locked in something called an "elimination chamber"! And Kurt Angle taking on "the real" Brock Lesnar! The robot clone he normally uses is in the shop getting repaired, apparently. Click HERE to read Sean's Recapitation! Updated: Derek Burgan's GIMMICK TABLE returns with a special (UNCENSORED) double feature! (07/27/07) First up, WWE Public Relations Merchandise right HERE. And from there, a *brand-new* edition with WWE's "GET JUICED" Campaign!, right HERE! Check them both out as they are exclusive uncensored versions not seen at Wrestlecrap, because, well, we have no scruples! Updated: Anvil's Swagbag presents the WWE GREAT AMERICAN BASH 2007 RANT! (07/23/07) It's the return of a WWE Summer Time Tradition!: That being a completely throw away Pay-per-view! Ahem. Featuring The Great Khali, The Mediocre Kane & the Terrible Batista battling in invisible quicksand! Plus, John Morrison shows CM Punk the DOOR (HIYO), Vanilla midgets get the shaft for ACTUAL midgets, and John Cena and Bobby Lashley finally decide just whom would be the ideal dude to take gambling in Vegas! All this plus much more! Click HERE to read! Updated: TWF ENTERTAINMENT is now updated! (07/20/07) Sean Carless presents a *brand new* Retro-Review of the *original* TRANSFORMERS THE MOVIE! The film that gave more small children nightmares than any film I can remember. And that's just one reason to love it! Ahem. Click HERE to read Sean's full insane review! Updated:
RETRO-RANT! GREAT AMERICAN BASH 2006!
(07/16/07) Just one week before this year's Event, James Walker takes us
back to to last year's! Tonight's PPV is brought to you by fully
functioning livers! It's The Great American Bash! OK, the “great” part is
debatable, but it was a Bash, by Gawd. Featuring: Great Khali receiving a
‘get out of (Punjabi) jail free’ card and Big Show doing "his time" for
him! The British and the Irish settle their hundred years old differences
with a lost shoe and a midget! Unlike 1962, Kennedy is unable to stop the
bomb this time! And Booker T. had better grow a 6th finger in time for
SmackDown or he'll have to come up with a new catchphrase! All this, plus
much more! Click HERE to
read.
Updated: Sean Carless once again takes his turn with the TWF SOUR 25! (07/12/07) Obviously spoofing WWE's "Power25", TWF Sour 25 ranks the Top 25 (Bottom 25?) wrestling offenders, blunderers, idiots or the just plain misfortunate of the week in classic TWF style. Just who clocked in at number one this week, and why?Click HERE to read this month's edition! Updated:
RETRO-RANT! GREAT AMERICAN BASH 2005! (07/09/07) The Not-So-Great American Bash. A night where Undertaker single-handedly won the war on terror, Animal found new love, and a Wrestling God punished us heathens for our sins... by subjecting us to one of the worst main event matches ever! Click HERE to read Sean's Recapitation! Updated:
NEW
FEATURE: TWF CAPTIONS! (07/06/07) TWF Staff and readers caption
ridiculous candid WWE photos! Click HERE to
read. Updated:
James
Walker returns with a classic edition of White Vans & Candy! (07/05/07) In this
edition, James reviews the film that Goldberg gave up a contract renewal
with WWE to finish filming (seriously) SANTA'S SLAY. Click HERE to
read! Updated: RETRO-RANT! (06/29/07) With just a few weeks before this year's event, we take a look back to Sean Carless's original recap of GREAT AMERICAN BASH 2004! It's the birth of America's newest summertime tradition! Well, so long as your idea of traditions include suffocating your best friend in cement after just saving him from a convoluted kidnapping plot! Plus a Dusty finish in a world title match? Holy shit, this really IS The Great American Bash after all! Click HERE to read Sean's Recapitation! Updated!:
Cameron Burge returns with a PARODY: "WHO KILLED MR. MCMAHON?" (06/28/07) The angle might be *officially* over, but the mystery has yet to be solved...until now! (the checks in the mail Mr. Groening!) Click HERE to read! Updated:
Joe Merrick begrudgingly comes out of retirement to present the WWE VENGEANCE 2007 RANT! (06/25/07) It's WWE Vengeance! But who are they seeking revenge against per se? Well, if the results of this show are to considered, then it's clearly the IWC! It was a Night of Champions! Just not the people you want to see with the belts! Cena overcomes the odds of everyone hoping he'll finally lose his fucking title! Johnny Nitro continues the trend of "anyone but regular ECW Talent" winning the World title! Edge and Batista battle for the last time two times, and in case you missed it, someone actually killed Vince McMahon. Ya, it was news to me too. Join Joe as he tackles the show as only he can. With tasteless offensive humor! All this, plus much more! Click HERE to read! Updated:
"The Vault" with British Bullfrog is now updated! (06/23/07) In this edition, Bullfrog looks at UK only release "WWF WILD IN THE U.K.!" It's the apex of the Attitude era. It was simpler time. A time when Stephanie McMahon was still hot, HHH was underused, and The Rock was actually wrestling instead of just coaching emotionally unstable children to Football glory or pretending to be half-Crustacean half Egyptian warlord. What a glorious time to be alive! Click HERE to read! Updated:
RETRO-RANT! (06/18/07) With under a week before this year's event, we take a look back to James Walker's original recap of VENGEANCE 2006! It's a night where Vince McMahon has Vengeance on his mind, and what better place to start then attacking blatant common sense! Featuring, John Cena & RAW Sunday Night Heat taking down ECW! Johnny Nitro and Melina taking their “punishment” like champs! And in a crowd filled with women vowing to bare their breasts, we get Hunter’s bare ass to appease…somebody? After all, Male ass draw Ratings!...in Prison! All kidding aside, a very good show took place featuring title changes, holy shit moments and more! Click HERE to read! Updated:
RETRO-RANT! (06/15/07) With just about a week before this year's event, we take a look back to Sean Carless's original recap of VENGEANCE 2004! Triple H battles Chris Benoit, and a retard holds the fate of the world in his hands! Hey, maybe he should run for president! Plus, an Animal murders a Lion-tamer! Edge puts a legend killer to justice! And Matt Hardy gets a measure of revenge against the monster who secretly impregnated his girlfriend, the only way he knows how!: with a flurry of wrestling offense! Click HERE to read Sean's Recapitation! Updated:
BLFK BREAKING NEWZ~! (06/12/07) If you saw RAW, you'll know that Vince was whacked! Join Sean Carless as he blows the lid off of the ALTERNATE ENDING for Vince's apparent DEATH, not-at-all stolen from another controversial Television moment, that didn't happen on Sunday night. Not even. Click HERE for this breaking story! Updated:
RETRO-RANT! (06/11/07) With just about two weeks before this year's event, we take a look back to Sean Carless's original recap of VENGEANCE 2003! Eddie Guerrero becomes the champion of USA for you, esse! Sable battles Stephanie McMahon in wrestling's first ever No holds used match, Big Show, Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar engage in a three way, and the War Amps officially stop asking Vince McMahon for donations. Imagine that. Click HERE to read Sean's Recapitation! Updated:
Sean Carless returns with the (better-late-than-never) WWE ONE NIGHT STAND 2007 RANT! (06/08/07) After two memorable consecutive One Night Stands, WWE delivers the kind you blame fully on alcohol and never ever admit to enjoying! It's One Night Stand 2007! And Dr. Vince has surgically removed 95% of ECW in favor of Great Khali & Mark Henry! EC-DUBle cross! On this night, John Cena makes Great Khali his own personal Pun-jobber! Edge enters an Animal cage and lives to tell the tale! Dominatrix Bobby Lashley enters into a S&M relationship with Vince McMahon! (well, maybe just the S part) and women wrestle in EXTREME pudding! What more could you want? ECW? No soup for you. All this, plus much more! Click HERE to read Sean's full insane Recapitation! Updated:
Canadian Bacon returns with the Saturday Night's Main Event Rant! (06/03/07) Join TWF's resident moron as he breaks down all the happenings of Saturday Night's Main Event as only he can! Featuring, Dead midgets! The Military succumbing to the might of Giants! Strippers being abused by diminutive little hands! And a match featuring a lot of guys who probably won't even have jobs this time next year! What more could you want? A break from almost 7 straight days of wrestling? *Ahem* Click HERE to read Bacon's SNME Réport! Updated: Updated: Updated:
Joe Merrick begrudgingly comes out of retirement to present the WWE JUDGMENT DAY 2007 RANT! (05/20/07) Join Joe, who gets back at us for the real short-notice by presenting the MOST OFFENSIVE PPV RECAP IN HISTORY! It was Judgment Day, and rather than just, I don't know, "end the world" as according to scripture, God just figured a 10 minute Great Khali match would do the same damage. Good thinking. Plus, HBK tunes up the band, only unfortunately the song being played is "Tell me a lie", MVP hunts the endangered toothless wolverine, and Bobby Lashley and Vince McMahon provide us with all the EXTREME we'll ever need. Unfortunately, those "extremes" are "Boredom", "disappointment" and "waste of money", but hey what can you do? All this, plus much more! Click HERE to read! Updated:
The RETURN edition of "Bringing Home The Bacon" is now updated! (05/20/07) This week, Canadian Bacon FINALLY makes his long-awaited return with an all-new "Bacon Réport!: News For People Who Wants To Know Stuff!" Join the moronic Baconman as he tackles all the recent wrestling "news" as only he can! From Vince McMahon's secret giant slave trade, to a cover-up involving Ariel's "death", the real story behind Carlito's "Nuclear heat", and WWE's *SHOCKING* punishment for Randy Orton's bad behavior! All this plus answering your questions ...Kinda! Click HERE to read the infamous BACON RÉPORT! Updated: Updated:
The Anvil's Swagbag returns with THE DUNGEON. (04/27/07) In this edition, TWF's Smackdown Virtuoso Anvil takes us into the seedy underbelly of a shadowy wrestling fraternity who hired him to eradicate *certain* IWC targets. Yes. Seriously. Click here to read!
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