On tonight’s show...Who defies the odds (and
any crowd interest) to win the Battle Bowl? Which two
titles did WCW fucking forget to mention was defended
tonight? (wow, do we have those?) AND who accidentally
fucks up again? (seriously, how “accident” prone can
anyone be? Get the answers to all these questions and
MORE WCW tomfoolery in this week’s SPECIAL PAY-PER-VIEW
episode of…
WCW Old School
Recap of Complete
Awesomeness!
Date: May 19th, 1996
Location:
Baton Rouge, LA
IT’S HERE! What you’ve ALL been waiting for!
MY WCW SLAMBOREE 96 RECAP! And what’s not to look
forward to?...I mean maybe apart from the flood of bad
tag team matches that this show mainly seem to consist
off...happy times? I fear not. We open up with Bischoff
and Dusty Rhodes talking about the Lethal Lottery and
the Battle Bowl match that it’ll end up with. Oh wait!
This is actually the pre-show, and I’ll just quickly run
through what happened.
American Males defeated Maxx Muscle &
The Shark from The Dungeon of Doom. Huh, who knew that
Maxx Muscle was in the DOD...then again, who knew who
Maxx Muscle was, I can just barely remember seeing his
name somewhere. No word on whether or not this was a
Lethal Lottery match or not, if it was I suppose he
might not have been in the DOD after all (I can almost
hear a collectible “WHO CARES!?” from everyone reading
this). Bischoff claims that Kevin Greene and Mongo will
be here tonight. DAMMIT! This is supposed to be my Mongo
free zone! After the match, The Shark grabs hold of
Jimmy Hart but The Giant comes out and Chokeslams him.
So apparently The Shark is out of the Dungeon of Doom.
Okerlund talks with Chris Benoit and Kevin Sullivan.
Sullivan says that they’ll prove tonight they can
co-exist and Benoit backs him up by saying that fate has
brought them together and despite him not liking or
trusting Sullivan, he’s willing to put their differences
aside for tonight. Lee Marshall (moustachioed douche) is
standing by with Public Enemy in the dressing room, they
basically goof around a lot and say they’ll win. Pretty
entertaining guys, sadly we don’t really see that on
Nitro. Video package of Road Warriors complete with
random idiotic quotes about washing machines and beating
up animals in the zoo. Okerlund stands by with them
afterwards and they seem unsure of whether or not they
can fight each other as they are on opposite tag teams
in the first round tonight. Video package of The
Steiners and Gene talks to them afterwards, this seems
more interesting as Rick seems hesitant to fight his
brother while Scott talks about proving that he’s the
better man. Lee Marshall stands by with V.K. Wallstreet
& “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan...basically they don’t like
each other. We get a video package running down the
World Title feud, nicely done considering it was made in
96. Okerlund stands by with Luger & Sting, and
apparently Luger will be handcuffed to Jimmy Hart during
the match. Why? I DON’T KNOOOW. Well apparently it’s to
keep Hart from interfering. The Giant comes up on the
jumbotron and he tells Sting that he better be fired up
tonight. Well, duh!
Finally, the intro video to the actual
Pay-Per-View, which is just a boring rundown of what’s
gonna happen. Apparently both the Cruiserweight Title
and the US Title will also be on the line tonight,
although they didn’t bother telling us who is in those
matches, but hey...it’s WCW. Rhodes, Heenan and
Schiavone are standing by to announce the event as they
briefly talk about the event before we FINALLY get
underway.
Road Warrior Animal
& Booker T Vs Road Warrior Hawk & Lex Luger –
Battle Bowl First Round Match
These 4 men have quite the history together,
all having been part of the Tag Team Title picture
around Superbrawl and Uncensored. The biggest conflict
of course being whether or not Hawk and Animal will come
to blows tonight as all four men seem unable to decide
who starts off this match. Schiavone talks about the
tournament and it just struck me how many matches we’re
going to have tonight. 13 matches in the Battle Bowl
tournament, plus 3 title matches outside of that, in the
span of 3 hours. GET ON WITH IT GUYS! Finally, Lex Luger
& Animal starts off the match. Luger gets the best
of the early exchange but Animal soon after takes
control with a Powerslam and a Shoulderblock. Luger
manages to hit a Vertical Suplex, but Animal no sells it
and instead hits a Dropkick and tags in Booker T. Booker
T dominates until missing a charge in the corner, but he
regain controls soon after as Luger misses an Elbow
Drop, so does Booker T right after but he immediately
Spin-a-Roonies back to his feet and hits a Harlem
Sidekick for a 2 count. Booker T locks in a Chinlock and
just as Luger looks like he’ll get out of it, Booker
hits an Axe Kick but Hawk breaks up the ensuing pin.
This for some reason infuriates Luger and suddenly all 4
men are just randomly pummelling each other...yeah,
that’s the way to win a tag match. It all ends up with
everyone getting counted out without the Road Warriors
ever squaring off...weak...
WINNERS: Draw by count
out
We go immediately to the next match. I have
a feeling we won’t have much time for promo shenanigans
tonight.
Public
Enemy (Johnny Grunge & Rocco Rock) Vs “Taskmaster“
Kevin Sullivan & Chris Benoit w/ Jimmy Hart – Battle
Bowl First Round Match
On paper Public Enemy are the favourites
because they’re a regular tag team...then again they’re
Public Enemy so I would say it pretty much evens out.
Rocco Rock and Benoit starts off in the ring and Rock
gets the early advantage as he even manages to hit a
Flying Head Scissors, and a Hurricanrana. Rocco goes for
another Hurricanrana but Benoit blocks it and hits a
Powerbomb instead before tagging in Sullivan. Everyone
spills to the outside where Sullivan manages to use a
chair without getting disqualified (well it was a random
plastic chair, but I didn’t know that was okay) before
Rocco puts him on a table as Benoit and Grunge fight on
the opposite side of the ring. Grunge eventually comes
over and Rocco gets in the ring, looking to dive over
the ropes and put Taskmaster through it, but Benoit cuts
him off with a Clothesline. Benoit tries to Suplex Rocco
back into the ring from the apron, but he instead ends
up getting suplexed to the floor and placed on the
table. Grunge places Sullivan on top of him and it
appears that Sullivan holds Benoit down before moving
just in time for Rocco Rock to solely put Benoit through
it instead. Sullivan walks out on his partner, talking
about his knee being hurt as Rocco Rock picks up the
win.
WINNERS: Public Enemy
Sullivan appears to want to return to the
ring, but Jimmy Hart doesn’t want him to. Decent way to
continue the angle between Kevin Sullivan & Chris
Benoit, as long as we don’t get another long Luger like
“did he screw him on purpose” angle that is.
Sgt. Craig Pittman
& Scott Steiner w/ Teddy Long Vs The Booty Man &
Rick Steiner w/ Kimberly – Battle Bowl First Round
Match
...wow...I actually don’t know which Steiner
brother I feel most sorry for in this match. Booty Man
and Pittman starts the match and waddles around a bit
occasionally hitting each other...exciting...Pittman
eventually tags in Scott Steiner and the match picks up
a little pace and then he of course tags back out to
Pittman...damn it...Rick tags in and hits a nice looking
T-Bone Suplex counter before Pittman drops him on his
head with a botched German Suplex. Rick eventually hits
a Steiner Line leaving Pittman to crawl over towards
Scott and try to get a tag, Scott looks hesitant at
first but eventually does so. This is apparently the
first time the two brothers has faced each other.
Neither man seems able to get a definite advantage over
the other as they trade chain wrestling moves and power
moves for a few minutes until Scott hits a Top Rope
T-Bone Suplex and The Booty Man cold tags himself into
the match. Scott gains the advantage over him as well
(although how hard is that anyway) before tagging in
Pittman who hilariously doesn’t appear capable of doing
anything so Scott tags in to hit ONE MOVE and then tag
out again so Pittman can apply his Code Red
(Armbar)...wow, Scott Steiner is like a dad trying to do
all the work and then let his son pick up the
scraps...or his inept tag team partner. Booty Man
eventually squirms his way over and gets the tag to Rick
Steiner who simply hits a Bridging German Suplex on a
completely baffled Craig Pittman for the
win.
WINNER: The Booty Man & Rick
Steiner
Okay, so I definitely ended up feeling worse
for Scott Steiner. Pittman must be the most inept
wrestler I’ve ever seen, but that doesn’t come as a
surprise, I remember is hunt for a manager to make him a
champion, at this point I would buy Maxx Muscle more
than Pittman as a champion.
The Blue Bloods (“Lord”
Steven Regal & “Squire” Dave Taylor) w/ Jeeves Vs
“Hacksaw” Jim Duggan & V.K. Wallstreet – Battle Bowl
First Round Match
Regal really lays it into Jeeves before the
match for some reason and I really like that he called a
fan “sunshine” despite supposedly being a nobleman. Jim
Duggan and V.K. Wallstreet are supposedly
arch-enemies...why? Who knows...probably something to do
with WCW Saturday Night. Duggan starts off best against
Regal but when he goes to tag out, Wallstreet refuses to
do so. It doesn’t derail Duggan much though as he simply
hits Regal with a few Clotheslines before surprise
tagging himself out of the match. Wallstreet gets worked
over by both members of The Blue Bloods before he
himself can make a surprise tag to Duggan. This leads to
a shoving match between the two, allowing Regal to sneak
up and isolate Duggan in their corner. Duggan eventually
explodes and punches everyone including his own partner
before taping up his fist and nailing Regal for the
three count.
WINNERS: “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan & V.K.
Wallstreet
The obliviousness of the referees in WCW
continue as Nick Patrick lifts the arm THAT IS STILL
TAPED of Hacksaw after the match . To be honest,
I doubt a hastily taped hand can do that much more
damage than a regular fist (ONLY in WCW!)
“Dirty” Dick Slater
& “Earl” Robert Eaton w/ Col. Parker & Jeeves Vs
Alex Wright & Disco Inferno – Battle Bowl First
Round Match
Heenan and Dusty amusingly gets on the same
page as they talk about how Schiavone went out and disco
danced last night, Heenan quipping “I still can’t
believe he was able to lift that big girl”. Dick Slater
makes quick work out of Disco Inferno, but has more
problems once Alex Wright gets in. Eaton tags in, but he
can’t stop Wright dominating either, even Disco gets a
spell of dominance after getting tagged in. But Col.
Parker eventually distracts the referee long enough for
Dick Slater to nail Disco in the back of his head with
one of his cowboy boots for the win.
WINNERS: “Dirty” Dick Slater & “Earl”
Robert Eaton
Not as much comedy as I predicted, although
Col. Parker amusingly does smuggle the boot away from
the ring under his jacket as the referee is puzzled by
Dick Slater only wearing one. We watch a replay of
Jeeves handing a cigar to Col. Parker who pats him on
the head as a thank you, as Heenan refers to the old
Nancy Sinatra classic “These boots are made for
clubbing”...I love that guy, and speaking of guys I
love.
Diamond Dallas Page
& The Barbarian Vs Hugh Morrus & Meng – Battle
Bowl First Round Match
DDP has finally gotten his classic “Self
High Five” theme upon his return and he starts off this
match against Hugh Morrus and more or less dominates for
once. Both men tags out leaving the Faces of Fear to go
against each other. It takes a while, and a whooole lot
of no selling, but eventually Barbarian does bring Meng
down with a Mafia Kick and then slams DDP onto him.
Barbarian however misses an Elbow Drop and thus loses
the dominance as Meng tags in Hugh Morrus who nails him
with a big Flying Elbow Drop. Morrus goes for the pin
but gets off of him after a 1 count as he signals he
wants to hit one more. This allows DDP to shake the
ropes and crotch him on the turnbuckle allowing
Barbarian to hit a Top Rope Belly to Belly Suplex, but
Meng gets the save in time. Meng and Hugh Morrus double
team Barbarian and Morrus hits a No Laughing Matter but
DDP gets the save this time. Ultimately Meng hits DDP
with a Mafia Kick, and Barbarian nails Morrus, as they
both go for the pin and get the 3 count, but DDP’s foot
was under the bottom rope...nevermind the fact that
neither Meng nor DDP were the legal men, that was a
ridiculous finish to an otherwise decent
match.
WINNERS: Diamond Dallas Page & The
Barbarian
Big Bubba & Stevie
Ray Vs Fire & Ice (Scott Norton & Ice Train) –
Battle Bowl First Round Match
Stevie Ray & Big Bubba dominates Scott
Norton, but no one really seems to care, and this being
the 7th match in about an hour, I can’t blame
them. The match shifts momentum for a little while as
Ice Train comes in, and that continues after Norton gets
back in and Fire & Ice ultimately picks up the win
after a Double Shoulderblock.
WINNERS: Fire &
Ice
Eddie Guerrero &
Arn Anderson Vs Ric Flair & “Macho Man” Randy Savage
– Battle Bowl First Round Match
Finally something with a bit of story behind
it! This being the big match of the first round, but
Flair doesn’t come out as his music plays. Randy Savage
does however as it appears he might have to go alone,
but then Flair’s music plays and as he runs out, Arn
attacks Savage in the ring. Eddie eventually pulls his
partner off, but Flair just continues the beating until
Eddie attacks him and the match apparently starts. Woman
& Miss Elizabeth sneaks out but keeps their distance
to the ring as they surveys the situation. Flair
eventually blind tags Savage in and then forces Eddie to
tag in Arn to keep Savage down, but Macho Man does
eventually fight back as the crowd wakes up and gets
solidly behind him, only for Arn to nail him with a
Spinebuster but Savage kicks out at 2. Flair tags
himself in and starts wailing on his partner, but Eddie
tags in as well and he dominates Flair until Savage
suddenly comes to life and starts beating on Flair as
well. This results in Arn apparently thinking “fuck it!”
as he DDT’s Eddie and beats Savage up long enough on the
outside for Flair to cover a prone
Guerrero.
WINNERS: Ric Flair & “Macho Man” Randy
Savage
After the match, they beat Savage up a
little more and Elizabeth slaps him before the Horsemen
leave triumphantly. That was actually very well executed
and it’s gonna be interesting to see what they do later
on tonight with this. They show a commercial for The
Great American Bash which had a pretty funny image of a
family with the “kids” being the Steiner Brothers,
couldn’t help but chuckle at the pure doucheness of a
gleeful Scott Steiner.
“Mean” Gene stands by with 3 Hooters
waitresses, looking like a dirty old granddad as he
stares at their “nametags”. He then proceeds to grab
their asses and do the motorboat...or not...He’s here to
make the second round drawing, but first one team will
get a bye to the ending Battle Royal and that team
is...DUM DUM DUUUM!...Fire & Ice! (okay, I would’ve
thought it would make more sense to have it be Flair
& Savage, but THAT’S the COMPLETELY RANDOM drawing
for you). “Dirty” Dick Slater & “Earl” Robert Eaton
will face “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan & V.K. Wallstreet.
Apparently that’s the only match we’ll get drawn now as
we go to the ring.
Dean Malenko (c) Vs
Brad Armstrong, WCW World Cruiserweight Title
Match
Apparently Malenko defeated Ohtani for the
belt at a Saturday Night or something, and obviously
Brad Armstrong will get the first shot
because...he...err...he...hey look, a
match!
Armstrong and his glorious mullet dominates
in the beginning as the crowd is as dead as at a Carrot
Top show. Malenko however starts to work over
Armstrong’s leg but nothing seems to really wake the
crowd up despite it not being that bad a match.
Armstrong gets a Sunset Flip out of nowhere for 2 and as
Schiavone points out how close he was, Dusty Rhodes
responds simply by saying “but can he walk?”, which is
something I usually say when anyone praises Stephen
Hawkings intelligence...of course he can’t talk either
so...I digress. The next Nitro is apparently gonna be 90
minutes, sort of easing the transition to a complete 2
hours I suppose. Armstrong makes his big comeback with
punches...and punches...and kicks...he follows up a
Powerslam and a Missile Dropkick by locking in Malenko’s
own Texas Cloverleaf, but Malenko is right by the ropes.
Heenan talks about how amazing it is that Armstrong is
still going as most people would’ve given up 20 minutes
ago...of course that would’ve meant him giving up before
the match even started...but amazing none the less.
Malenko gets Armstrong up on the turnbuckle and hits his
Top Rope Gutbuster for the 3 count.
WINNER: Dean Malenko
We get another Blood Runs Cold promo to hype
the much awaited debut of Glacier, before Gene returns
with his ho train, and those kooky girls have switched
out their nametags confusing the poor bastard before he
resumes drawing matches. He hilariously says “Oh my
goodness! Public Enemy will be in one of the matches!”
mirroring the surprise of...someone who wasn’t watching.
They will face Macho Man and Flair. This of course
leaves DDP & The Barbarian Vs The Booty Man &
Rick Steiner, before Gene asks the girls what they’ll do
after the show, and in the true Hooters spirit, they
rope him in to paying for beer and chicken wings at
Hooters afterwards.
“Dirty” Dick Slater
& “Earl” Robert Eaton w/ Col. Parker Vs “Hacksaw”
Jim Duggan & V.K. Wallstreet – Battle Bowl Second
Round Match
Duggan & Wallstreet opens up the match
by beating up each other, but they do co-operate long
enough to send their opponents flying when they try to
jump them. They appear to agree to put their differences
aside only for Wallstreet to send Hacksaw to the outside
as soon as he turns his back. This leads to a double
team from Slater and Eaton on Wallstreet as Slater
almost gets a 3 count from a Russian Leg Sweep.
Wallstreet eventually fights back and locks in an
Abdominal Stretch but Duggan refuses to tag in...but
then as soon as Slater and Eaton double teams
Wallstreet, he comes in to help
out...ridiculous...Wallstreet eventually cold tags
Duggan in and he clears house until him and Slater
accidentally bumps heads, and both men gets the tag.
Finish comes when Wallstreet “accidentally” hits Duggan
(twice) and Duggan retaliates leaving Eaton to roll him
up for the win...a mess of a match.
WINNERS: “Dirty” Dick Slater & “Earl”
Robert Eaton
Duggan and Wallstreet brawl after the match,
but Wallstreet retreats once Hacksaw picks up his 2x4.
Public Enemy (Johnny
Grunge & Rocco Rock) Vs “Macho Man” Randy Savage
& Ric Flair – Battle Bowl Second Round
Match
Randy Savage’s music plays but no one comes,
but Flair makes his way out with the women as they throw
Savage’s money out to the fans. Suddenly Macho Man
sprints out and jumps Flair from behind, but he ends up
getting restrained fairly quickly by security, police
and several wrestlers.
WINNERS: Public Enemy by Count
Out
Well I suppose it’s a logical choice,
although I would’ve rather seen them get the bye and
face off in the Battle Royal, which is shaping up to be
one of the most random heat-less matches ever on
Pay-Per-View.
Diamond Dallas Page
& The Barbarian Vs The Booty Man & Rick Steiner
w/ Kimberly – Battle Bowl Second Round
Match
The Booty Man was of course the man
responsible for ousting DDP from WCW at Uncensored when
he defeated him, so a bit of history to this match which
is definitely a good thing considering how pointless the
majority of the card has been. DDP was apparently
re-instated because the TV Title wasn’t on the line as
originally scheduled (I suppose he was to have faced
Johnny B. Badd) so DDP had nothing to lose, and
therefore he got re-instated...well, it may be flimsy as
hell, but at least it’s an excuse...a random...confusing
excuse...did it really take that long for them to figure
that out?...oh, right, the match. DDP is dominated until
he counters Steiner by hitting a Snake Eyes variation
and tagging in The Barbarian. These two goes back and
forth as we learn that Mike Tenay will be joining on
commentary for the US Title Match which will be between
Konnan and Jushin “Thunder” Liger...for some reason, but
hey it could be worse. The Barbarian locks in a Front
Facelock but as Steiner makes his way towards his
partner to get the hot tag, DDP distracts the referee
long enough for him not to see it. Steiner eventually
hotshots Barbarian on the top rope and gets the hot
(luke warm?) tag to The Booty Man who hits his High Knee
(hiney?...never really thought about that before...wow
that is lame) but DDP makes the save. The Booty Man
rolls up The Barbarian but DDP drops an elbow on him and
that’s apparently enough for The Barbarian to pick up
the win.
WINNERS: Diamond Dallas Page & The
Barbarian
Okay, so the Battle Bowl will consist of Ice
Train, Scott Norton, Dick Slater, Robert Eaton, Johnny
Grunge, Rocco Rock, Diamond Dallas Page & The
Barbarian, and keep in mind that one of these men will
apparently get a World Title shot at The Great American
Bash...wow...apart from DDP who became a Main Event
wrestler later on, that is an underwhelming group of
wrestlers...but hey, DDP looks to have a good chance so
I’m good.
Konan (c) Vs Jushin
“Thunder” Liger w/ Sonny Ono’o, WCW United States
Heavyweight Title
I’ve never really been high on Konan, but
considering the other matches we’ve been exposed to
tonight, this can practically only be better. This was
back when Mike Tenay actually was good on commentary as
his job mainly consisted of providing info about the
workers and moves...instead of the annoying, whiny guy
on TNA.
Nice bit of chain wrestling to begin the
match, both men keeping up nicely with each other. Liger
gains the advantage after Sonny Ono’s “distracts” Konan
on the outside and by “distract” I of course mean by
kicking him a couple of times in the gut, allowing Liger
to catch Konan off guard with a Baseball Slide. Tenay
talks about Konan being on Mexican television as I
picture him being the first lover in a telenovela style
tv show, he just lacks the handlebar moustache and it
would fit perfectly. A brilliant, long and slow exchange
of submission holds between the two that actually
transitions brilliantly into each other this continues
until the match suddenly disintegrates into both men
pummelling each other with rapid palm thrusts ending
with Liger getting the advantage. Liger hits a Superplex
and a Splash from the top rope and almost gets the 3
count. Konan gets dropkicked to the floor and Liger
tries to nail him with a Plancha from the top rope, only
to get countered and dropkicked in the gut as he came
down. Konan tries to Suplex Liger back into the ring,
but Liger counters and hits a Belly-to-Back Suplex
followed by a Fisherman’s Buster for a close count.
Konan counters an attempted Headscissors in the corner
with an Alabama Slam and gets a close count himself as
Tony gets convinced that the match is over...it’s kinda
like listening to 2 wrestling fans and then 1 guy who’s
never seen it before and is just really starting to get
into it. He even marvels over how funny the name
Fisherman’s Buster sounds...I like you Tony, but pull
yourself together man. Konan apparently goes for his
finisher “The Power Drop” but Liger counters and almost
gets 3 from a roll up. Liger hits a Liger Bomb but only
gets 2, and when Konan counters Liger coming off the top
rope with a boot to the face, he follows it up with a
Power Drop (Splash Mountain/Sit-out Crucifix Powerbomb)
for the win. Good match.
WINNER: Konan
“Mean” Gene gets ready for the first actual
non wrestling segment apart from those damn drawings,
and for everyone talking about not having enough
wrestling on shows, the alternative isn’t much better I
would say. Talk about getting burned out, 12 actual
matches and little else leaves a lot to desire. Anyway,
Okerlund brings out Ric Flair who gets accompanied by
Woman, Elizabeth and Arn Anderson. Flair offers Gene to
give a synopsis of what has happened tonight as he talks
about Savage having been locked up downtown and will get
a psych evaluation tomorrow. I wonder how much a
psychiatrist will get out of unintelligible mumbling and
the occasional “OOOOOH YEEEAAAHH!”. Flair talks about
having one tiny matter he needs to address as he
mentions Mongo and how he told Flair to back off. Flair
says that he can’t back off when he hasn’t got his wife
resulting in Mongo coming out. Flair basically
challenges Mongo to a tag match where he’s allowed to
pick any partner he wants to face him and Arn. He brings
out Kevin Greene who was apparently a big deal back
then...I dunno...the two teams stare off as security
seperates them.
Scott Norton Vs Ice
Train Vs “Dirty” Dick Slater w/ Col. Parker Vs “Earl”
Robert Eaton Vs Johnny Grunge Vs Rocco Rock Vs Diamond
Dallas Page Vs The Barbarian – 8 Man Battle Royal Battle
Bowl Final
Over the top rope Battle Royal for a shot
for the World Title, and people don’t really care cause
they haven’t built up any of these guys. DDP goes over
an touches the floor but the referee doesn’t see it...it
appears like they don’t have to touch with both feet to
get eliminated. Rocco Rock is the first man to get
eliminated and Robert Eaton follows right after as Dick
Slater accidentally nails him with his boot. Col. Parker
smacks Eaton over the head with his hat only to get
decked with a right hand resulting in Slater coming out
to fight him. Slater is apparently also eliminated even
though it appeared he went under the rope, and Scott
Norton quickly follows. Ice Train dominates in the ring
as he Powerslams all three of his opponents. DDP follows
that up by Diamond Cutting all 3 of HIS opponents and
follows that up by...pinning Ice Train and Johnny
Grunge!?...okay so apparently it’s not JUST an over the
top rope Battle Royal...they just forgot to mention
that...or everyone just sorta forgot the rules...either
or. Anyway, this only leaves DDP and The Barbarian who
of course had teamed up to get here. Both men gets a few
2 counts in quick succession and The Barbarian almost
gets it from a Tombstone Piledriver, but DDP kicks out
just in time. Barbarian locks in a Sleeper Hold but DDP
mule kicks him in the groin. DDP tries to Irish Whip The
Barbarian, but he counters and Powerbombs DDP for
another close count. The Barbarian goes for a Flying
Headbutt, but DDP rolls out of the way and hits the
Diamond Cutter for the win, and complete apathy from the
crowd, but plenty of cheers from me.
YAY!
WINNER: Diamond Dallas
Page
So this apparently means that DDP will get a
World Title Shot out of nowhere at The Great American
Bash. Based on the 8 men in the final, it was pretty
logical, but yeah...people didn’t really care once all
the upper card wrestlers went out of the tourney. “Mean”
Gene is standing by with The Giant & Jimmy Hart in
the locker room. Hart seems upset because he has to be
handcuffed to Luger, while The Giant says that he’s on
top of the mountain and that he’ll crush everyone in his
way. He finishes up by giving a warning to DDP and
urging him to think about what’s gonna happen to
him...I’m sorry, I love DDP, but how on earth can anyone
take him seriously as a challenger at this point? Come
on!
The Giant (c) w/ Jimmy
Hart Vs Sting w/ Lex Luger, WCW World Heavyweight Title
Match
Finally! The last match on a card that has
been bland, and without much storyline and god I hope
these Pay-Per-View gets just a tad more build from now
on! As I mentioned just before, Luger and Hart will get
handcuffed together...although with Luger’s history of
blundering in and screwing things up for Sting, the odds
are firmly stacked against him in this one. The
Jumbotron claims that it’s for the US Title, and who
knows...maybe Konan does come out in a minute. Michael
Buffer does the introductions as usual, I really liked
this touch of his in ring introductions...I mean, when
he got the names right and such...but hey, he did this
time.
Sting tries to open up with a Cross Body
Block, but he just bounces off. Sting gets right up in
The Giants face (chin?) and then tries a few times to
knock The Giant down, but to no avail and Sting slides
out of the ring and almost looks scared (patience young
grasshopper, it takes time). Sting tries his best one
more time, but as he tries to pick him up for a Scoop
Slam, The Giant just falls on top of him. COME ON STING!
Who do you think you are? Hulk Hogan? The Giant takes
control as the crowd starts to wake up...I think they’ve
been asleep since Savage and Flair went out of the
tournament. Giant locks in a Body Scissors as Jimmy Hart
screams in Luger’s ear trying to get him to his
senses...could’ve been awesome if Hart had his megaphone
and used that, “COME ON BABY! TURN ON STING! TURN ON
HIM!”, hey in WCW they don’t hide their plans. Sting
tries to fight back but The Giant thows him out onto the
floor. He hoists him up for The Chokeslam but as he goes
to slam him through a table, Lex Luger has Jimmy Hart
placed across it and The Giant drops that plan, pushes
Sting down and returns to the ring. The Giant pulls
Sting up on the apron and goes to Dropkick him off it,
but Luger pulls Sting down and The Giant hits nothing
but air. Sting accidentally nails the referee with a
Back Elbow, knocking him out of the ring, but back
inside he gets some momentum as he dodges a Corner
Splash and kicks the hell out of The Giant who ends up
lying on the top ropes ending it up with Stinger
Splash...aaaand here comes the bumbling idiot known as
Lex Luger as he for some reasons gets up on the apron
allowing The Giant to put him in a Chokehold. Sting
however largely ignores it and repeatedly Stinger
Splashes him before he finally wedges him off and knocks
Giant down. Luger drops to the floor causing Jimmy Hart
to end up on the top ropes, but as Sting for some god
forsaken reason decides to go for the Stinger Splash,
Hart falls down OR MAYBE LUGER PULLED HIM (intrigue...or
something) causing Sting to miss, knock his head and
accidentally Headbutt The Giant in the groin. Sting
still gets up first and hits a Splash from the top rope,
but The Giant kicks out powerfully of the ensuing pin
and Sting lands on top of the referee who actually gets
up before remembering he wasn’t supposed to and then
falls back down again. Slapstick comedy FTW! Sting hits
another Splash but as there is no referee he instead
decides to lock in the Scorpion Deathlock. Luger and
Hart are tussling on the apron over the megaphone that
Hart tried to use on Sting, but Luger accidentally (or
on purpose, hard to see) blasts Sting with it enabling
The Giant to get up and Chokeslam him for the
win.
WINNER: The Giant
The announcers argue over whether or not it
was on purpose that Luger nailed Sting, Dusty thinks it
was on purpose with Heenan and Schiavone (surprisingly)
thinking it was inadvertent, and that’s
it...yeah...
WCW –
Aaaah, Good Times: The US and World
Title matches were good although the crowd was really
only into the last one, and the first round match with
Flair and Savage was perfectly booked.
WCW –
WHAT THE HELL WERE THEY THINKING!!!: The
rest of the Pay-Per-View didn’t matter...the tournament
was a complete waste of time, as much as I love DDP, it
was crap. The crowd didn’t care, and neither did I
really. I prefer it when every match means something,
and almost every match on this card didn’t...plus the
lack of star power in the final not only hurt the match
in terms of crowd interaction, but who seriously buys
DDP as a challenger after defeating 7 random lower card
or tag team wrestlers? A big (battle) bowl of bland
tonight.
Yeah...pointless 3 hours and I can only hope
that The Great American Bash will be better, but
considering that it’s 4 Pay-Per-Views in a row that
ended up being bland and pointless. I’m not holding my
breath. Until next time, I’m Esben Evans, read the rest
of the site pronto, and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do
(like believe wrestlers when they say “THIS is my last
match”...Flair you whore!).
