Updated:
DEADFACE WALKING!
(07/06/08) Catherine Perez
returns with another hilarious (and fully illustrated) look at all the various going-ons this
week in the wacky world of Pro Wrestling! Plus, a special edition of "IF THEY MATED~!" and much more! Click HERE to read!
Updated:
Shane Steele returns with the SMACKDOWN RANT! (07/05/08) This week, the blond guy who fucked his way to the Title calls off his marriage!
And sadly, it's not the one with the handlebar mustache. All this, plus finally, the Spinner belt gets knocked off its lofty
perch as the world's most ridiculous looking championship! Click HERE to read the Lowdown on Smackdown!
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RETRO-RANT! (07/04/08) With just a few weeks before this year's
event, we take a look back to Sean Carless's original recap of GREAT AMERICAN BASH 2004!
It's the birth of America's newest summertime tradition! Well, so long as your idea of traditions include suffocating your
best friend in cement after just saving him from a convoluted kidnapping plot! Plus a Dusty finish in a world title match?
Holy shit, this really IS The Great American Bash after all! Click HERE to read Sean's Recapitation!
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Drew Kannegiesser makes his TWF debut with WRITING UNDER THE INFLUENCE!
(07/03/08). This week's edition: How To Get Over; And How Not To! Click HERE to read!
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Neil McGilloway returns with the ECW ON SCI FI RANT! (07/0208)
This week, Colin Delaney tries to earn Tommy Dreamer an ECW Title match. Ya, this is the guy you want championing your title
campaign. All this, plus much more! Click HERE to read!
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Cameron Burge returns
with the RAW RANT! (07/01/08). This week; Break out the non alcoholic champagne because
we have a new World Champion..and STILL World Champion, thanks to John Cena and two of his fellow black men!. Click HERE to read the Best Damn RAW Rant, Period!
Updated:
Catherine Perez presents the NIGHT
OF CHAMPIONS 2008 PPV RANT! (06/30/08) It's night of Champions...and as we stand, Kofi Kingston is your top ranking
champion on RAW. Plus, Mark Henry brings an all new "extreme" to ECW: PANIC. Quick, somebody put a belt on this guy before
he gets any funny ideas! All this, plus it's a good night be a champion on Smackdown who fucked a fat woman in power to get
to the top! Ahem. Click HERE to read the Rant!
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RETRO RANT: VENGEANCE 2007! Brought to you by TWF's most hateful man: Joe
Merrick! (06/29/08) It's WWE Vengeance! But who are they seeking revenge against per se? Well, if the results of this show
are to considered, then it's clearly the IWC! It was a Night of Champions! Just not the people you want to see with the belts!
Cena overcomes the odds of everyone hoping he'll finally lose his fucking title! Johnny Nitro continues the trend of "anyone
but regular ECW Talent" winning the World title! Edge and Batista battle for the last time two times, and in case you missed
it, someone actually killed Vince McMahon. Ya, it was news to me too. Join Joe as he tackles the show as only he can. With
tasteless offensive humor! All this, plus much more! Click HERE to read!
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Esben
Evans returns with MONDAY NITRO: THE LOST RECAPS! (06/27/08) A nostalgic look at WCW's side
of the Monday Night War! This week's episode: December 27, 1995! -STARRCADE 1995! The night night the Red & Yellow
takes a back seat..to yellow people? Seriously. Click HERE to read!
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RETRO RANT: VENGEANCE
2006! (06/26/08)James Walker returns with the WWE VENGEANCE 2006 RANT! It's a night where Vince McMahon has
Vengeance on his mind, and what better place to start then attacking blatant common sense! Featuring, John Cena & Sunday
Night Heat taking down ECW! Johnny Nitro and Melina taking their “punishment” like champs! And in a crowd filled
with women vowing to bare their breasts, we get Hunter’s bare ass to appease…somebody? After all,
Male ass draw Ratings!...in Prison! All kidding aside, a very good show took place featuring title changes, holy shit moments
and more! Click HERE to read!
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BACK-LEG FRONTKICK: THE RAW DIARIES~!: SEAN CARLESS'S
INSANE 3 WEEK LOOK AT MILLION DOLLAR MANIA. (06/24/08) For three weeks, our fearless leader has kept detailed notes
on the "rousing success" that was RAW & Million Dollar Mania. You know, the only game show on TV where you're
guaranteed to see the host crushed by giant electronic equipment. But tread lightly, my friends, for unbridled insanity awaits
you! You may never be the same again. Click HERE to read Sean's ridiculous "notes"!
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(06/22/08) THIS MONTH IN TWF HISTORY!: JUNE
2006: BACK-LEG FRONTKICK: SUMMER OF SEAN! Featuring: TWF True Death Valley Story: Kane! Plus, RAW Thoughts,
"Whatever Happened To", And Much More! This Column Is Brought To You By God, Jesus And Mr. McMahon! Discretion Is Advised.
Some Scenes Contain Stuff. Click HERE To Read!
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TWF FORUM PHOTOSHOP THREAD! (06/20/08) This
week's theme: Wrestling T-Shirts! Add your insane brainchild to our growing list of stupidity and offensiveness! It doesn't
matter if you're a Photoshop Wizard, or a MS Paint Novice, add your contribution HERE!
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GUEST COLUMN: HORNSWOGGLE'S FATHER'S DAY
GIFT! In lieu of WWE.com's stupid Hornswoggle Father's day card (5 year olds don't have fucking beards!) Guest
Columnist Andariel Halo provides an alternate video tribute to his fake dad, Finlay with DRUNKEN IRISH DAD! Click HERE to see!
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RETRO RANT: VENGEANCE 2005! (06/19/08)
Join the fun as HHH and Batista move into the Devil's duplex, Kane, Edge and Lita settle "divorce" the good old fashioned
way: with chokeslams! HBK and Kurt Angle get Biblical, and the Champ is still here. Unfortunately. All this, plus much
more! Click HERE to read Sean's original Recapitation!
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THE NEW TWF FORUM~! (06/16/08) Join the merry misfits and social deviants of TWF at our *all new*
Message Forum, complete with new categories, caption contests, Naked Wimminz, tastelessness and more! Join today! Accounts,
once registered require an Admin to activate your account, so be patient! You'll be spreading your brand of evil soon enough!
Click HERE to join! And Click HERE for Forum FAQ's! Join now! You won't regret it! (yes you will).
Updated:
Charley
Martin returns with the TNA IMPACT REPORT! (06/15/08) This week's stupid TNA Title: "I Put
A Hit On My Wife". Man. What is about dudes who rely heavily on German Suplexes that make them want to kill their wives this
time of year? All this, plus actual wrestling! Seriously! Click HERE to read!
Updated:
(06/12/08)
Neil Cathan returns with his exclusive coverage of TNA's SLAMMIVERSARY 2008. It's TNA's
big 6th anniversary, and unlike real-life Anniversaries, this one is going to only you cost you 30 dollars, and there's a
guarantee of seeing the person you care about roll around in a state of undress! Unfortunately, though, that person is Samoa
Joe. Click HERE to read Neil's full coverage!
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RETRO RANT: VENGEANCE 2004: (06/12/08) Triple H battles Chris Benoit, and a retard
holds the fate of the world in his hands! Hey, maybe he should run for president! Plus, an Animal murders a Lion-tamer! Edge
puts a legend killer to justice! And Matt Hardy gets a measure of revenge against the monster who secretly impregnated his
girlfriend, the only way he knows how: with a flurry of wrestling offense! Click HERE to read Sean's Recapitation!
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RETRO RANT!
VENGEANCE 2003: (06/08/08) Eddie Guerrero becomes the champion of USA for you, esse!
Sable battles Stephanie McMahon in wrestling's first No holds used match, Big Show, Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar engage in
the world's least sexy three way, and the War Amps officially stop asking Vince McMahon for donations. Imagine that.
Click HERE to read Sean's Recapitation!
Updated:
Derek Burgan returns with
a PPV REVIEW of ROH's TAKE NO PRISONERS. (06/05/08) It's
ROH's latest foray into PPV, and one of these days they'll break 10 buys! Just kidding! Join Derek as he gives us the full
breakdown of a pretty spectacular card and find what BJ Whitmer and Poochie have in common! Click HERE to reaad!
Updated:
Joe Merrick presents the ONE NIGHT
STAND 2008 PPV RANT! (06/02/08) It's One Night Stand number 4, or whether WWE wants to admit it or not, a fucking committed
relationship! On this night, Undertaker's legacy ends! Gone-Gone-Plata? *sniffle*, JBL channels his best impression of Indiana
Jones (the part where he swaps a bag of rocks for a booby-trapped jar of Vaseline must have been edited off your version),
plus, Singapore Canes, no ECW Champion, Kane's, fake stretcher jobs, real stretcher jobs, and all in all a great PPV
that like 4 people ordered. Click HERE to read the Rant!
Updated:
(05/31/08) Dr. Gonzo's ACERBIC TREATS: ENTERTAINMENT EDITION!
That's right, the good Doctor returns with yet another edition of Acerbic Treats! Featuring Basketball Predictions, TV Rants
and his look at the newest Indiana Jones movie! It's a total mixed-bag of Entertainment goodness, and who knows more about
mixed bags than TWF's resident Pharmacist, Doctor Gonzo? Click HERE to read!
Updated:
Justin Shapiro returns with more RETRO HEAT! (05/30/08) Before
ECW was WWE's most worthless television property, there was another prison for unused midcarders: SUNDAY NIGHT HEAT. Join
Justin as he looks back at his original recaps as they happened. In this edition: Heat GM Steven Richards has apparently decided
to switch to a 75% squash match format and Nelson Frazier may be Vince McMahon's fat, illegitimate son! All this, plus much
more! Click HERE to read!
Updated:
Matthew Folger returns with KNIFE-EDGE POPS! (05/15/08) This
week's edition: A Movie Treatment Parody: ICON: THE SHAWN MICHAELS STORY. Click HERE to read!
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RETRO
RANT: ONE NIGHT STAND 2007! (05/26/08) With just under a week until this year's version,
join Sean Carless for his original look at last years! After two memorable consecutive "One Night Stands", WWE delivers the
kind you blame fully on alcohol and never ever admit to enjoying! It's One Night Stand 2007! And Dr. Vince has surgically
removed 95% of ECW in favor of Great Khali & Mark Henry! EC-DUBle cross! On this night, John Cena makes Great Khali
his own personal Pun-jobber! Edge enters an Animal cage and lives to tell the tale! Dominatrix Bobby Lashley enters into a
S&M relationship with Vince McMahon! (well, maybe just the S part) and women wrestle in EXTREME pudding! What more
could you want? Actual ECW? No soup for you. All this, plus much more! Click HERE to read Sean's full insane Recapitation!
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RETRO-RANT!
With just a little over one week (yes, seriously) until the next WWE PPV offering, we take a look back to James Walker's coverage
of ECW ONE NIGHT STAND 2006! (05/23/08) It was a
historic night for the Alliance ECW, as the wrestlers, err "superstars" of ECW returned for a second one night stand ... or
a "relationship" as the broads like to think. From Human suplex machines to Human chinlock machines, James had all your
Extreme bases covered. It's just a shame it all turned to shit like a week later. Oh well. Click HERE to read the full report!
Updated:
RETRO
RANT: ECW ONE NIGHT STAND 2005! (05/20/08) With just two weeks before WWE's latest money
grab, let us take a look back to the very first, with Sean's original take that night! It's One Night Stand! And much like
a real one night stand, ECW delivered a night of no strings attached wanton pleasure! Only, unlike a woman, it only cost us
35 dollars to get off! If only all one night stand's were this fulfilling. Click HERE to read Sean's Recapitation!
Updated:
Catherine Perez presents
the JUDGMENT DAY 2008 PPV RANT! (05/19/08) It's Judgment Day, the day where God once again
refuses to end the world despite the false threat of a Mark Henry vs. Big Show pay-per-view match! (Turns out HE IS merciful!).
On this night, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING HAPPENS! It's true, but hey, you already spent your 40 dollars so, umm, fuck you?
Sounds about right. On this night, Undertaker goes for the World Title! HHH meets Randy Orton! HBK battles Chris Jericho!
Super Cena battles Zod err, a Wrestling God! Let's make this best 2004 ever! All this, plus much more! Click HERE to read!
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TWF
ENTERTAINMENT (05/16/08) With all the success of the Iron Man movie at the Box Office, Studios are looking
to adapt fellow Avenger team-mate Captain America to the Big Screen. You know who they have pegged to play the role? No? Well,
it'd be coooooler if ya did! Join Sean Carless for a brief (and stupid) look at the very latest on Caps adaptation to the
big screen! Click HERE to read GUESS WHO'S CAPTAIN AMERICA!
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RETRO RANT: JUDGMENT
DAY~! (05/08/08) With this year's event being just under two weeks away, join Sean carless as we look back to
his Recapitations of Judgment Day's 2003- 2005!:
First, it's JUDGMENT DAY 2003! It's Judgment
Day! You know, the day God decides to just pack it in and end the world, before passing final judgment upon thee for your
many sins. One of which is ordering a pay-per-view being headlined by Kevin Nash. You should be ashamed of yourselves! Enjoy
your eternity! (which for the record is what this PPV felt like...) Click HERE to read Sean's Recapitation!
Up next is JUDGMENT DAY 2004! It's Judgment Day!
And God decided the best way to punish us heathens for our sins would be to subject us to a Bradshaw main event push! Repent
now before he gets another rematch! Plus, Kurt "Blofeld" Angle torments a blond in lieu of Bond, Mordecai tries Scotty 2 Hotty
for the sin of living in the past, and Booker T trades in his fishin' pole for some voodoo black magic and still comes up
short against The Undertaker. Huh. Clearly, he should have talked to the last voodoo guy who tried to mess with The Undertaker.
Might have saved himself a lot of grief. Click HERE to read Sean's Recapitation!
And finally, it's JUDGMENT DAY 2005! It's Judgment
Day, a day when God passes judgment and punishment on all of humanity. And what better way to punish people then to subject
them to a 13th consecutive JBL Main Event push? IS HE NOT MERCIFUL? Plus, Bob Holly gets his obligatory Spring-time tag title
shot, Mexican on tiny Mexican crime, Big Show relives a Disney classic, and Orlando Jordan gets away with murder! Click HERE to read the Recapitation!
Updated:
BLFK: WRESTLING IN A NUTSHELL:
THE MEXICOOLS! (05/02/08) Sean Carless debuts a new feature here at TWF, packed full of
INSANFORMATION. "Wrestling in a Nutshell" is just that, a quick & dirty look at a past wrestler or angle that you may have
forgotten, or maybe never wanted to remember again! This week's topic: THE MEXICOOLS. Vince McMahon had already parodied and
racially-stereotyped every race, color and creed before, so how why not some wrestling gardeners? I mean, clearly
that's the only occupation in Mexico, right? Click HERE to read!
Updated:
Anthony Dean, in an effort to bail us out presents
the PPV RANT: BACKLASH 2008! (05/01/08) It's Backlash! Wrestlemania's retarded little brother,
that may look and act a lot like big brother, but at the end of the day he's stupid and weak and no one likes him. On this
night, we now have 3 WORLD Champions with a combined age of over 120! Yay to the youth moment! Plus, OMG V1 takes MVP's U.S
title ASAP, Edge finds out the hard way that Michelle McCool is the only person on earth allowed in the 69 position with Undertaker
without dying, and HHH does what he does best, bury Randy Orton up to his fucking jarhead. Now if only he'll further follow
his natural biological inclinations and bury that belt, too. All this, plus much more! Click HERE to read, plus the latest info on our quest to hire a new PPV Recapper!
Updated:
RETRO RANT: BACKLASH
2007! (04/27/08) With just one day before this year's event, join Sean Carless as we look back at his original
Rant! of Backlash 2007 It's Backlash, the pay-per-view that leaves a bad taste in God's mouth! A night where the WWE Championship
is contested by six-degrees of Marines! A Fake Marine! A Disgraced Marine! A guy who got his ass kicked by nine at once! And
a guy... who lived a few miles from Marineland? Close enough. Plus, Bobby Lashley is no longer the (child-like) face of ECW!
Undertaker and Batista wrestle to a dead (HIYO) heat! Cade & Murdoch generate no heat! Sean has all your bases covered
and more in one of the biggest most jam-packed Rants EVER! Click HERE to read Sean's full insane Recapitation!
Updated:
Sean Carless returns with a *brand new" SATIRE: WWE KIDS PREVIEW! (04/25/08) WWE has a brand new business model: Market exclusively
towards children! And they've even started a new website in an effort to hook new pre-teen viewers! This is TWF's interpretation
of that Website! From Jerry Lawler's illegal Diva Search to Story-time with Kane to John Cena teaching your children how to
shit and then create comedy from the waste, it's all covered here and more! Click HERE to read!
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(04/13/08) TWF
FLASHBACK: With TWF celebrating it's 5th Anniversary, let us again randomly flashback, this time to June of 2003
with Sean Carless's RECAPITATION: BAD BLOOD! RAW's first ever single brand
pay-per-view, and the first rejected name for Rock Hudson's autobiography! The good news is HHH and Kevin Nash went to Hell.
The bad news is they actually came back. Just who walked out (hobbled out) of the UNFORGIVING structure as champion? And can
anything ever make this cage accept an apology? Click HERE to read Sean's Recapitation!
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VAULT FLASHBACK: MACHO
MADNESS! (04/10/08): Before he went completely insane, Macho Man Randy Savage used to be just kind of insane.
It's 1988. It was all about Macho Madness. There was nothing Macho couldn't do. Bar make sense. And avoid a certain gigantic
orange plague rolling in. This is Coliseum Video's official release, with a retrospective of the first half of Macho Man's
WWF title reign. All his great wars are documented! Honky Tonk Man! Ted DiBiase! Ted DiBiase! Ted DiBiase! Ted Dibiase! And
who could forget Ted Dibiase! (He fought him a few times...). Click HERE to read Sean's full Video review!
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BACK-LEG FRONTKICK
FLASHBACK! (04/09/08) To commemorate TWF's perversely huge 5th Year Anniversary, let us go back 5 years for a random
look at Sean Carless's October 2003 edition, and see how much the Wrestling world has changed! HHH and Undertaker are
World Title mainstays! John Cena is showing up everywhere on TV! Chris Benoit is umm, buried. It's completely and totally
different than anything today! Ahem. Plus, Sean's original coverage of the HHH/Stephanie wedding as it happened and more!
Click HERE to read this piece of TWF nostalgia!
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TWF SAYS GOODBYE:
(04/05/08) With all the outpouring of genuine emotion for the last match of a true WWE legend, we here at TWF do OUR part,
and pay video tribute to the man who's WWE career is now seemingly over. Click HERE to watch our emotional video tribute.
Updated:
James Walker returns
with the let's just pretend it's not a few days later WRESTLEMANIA 24 RANT~! (04/02/08) It's Wrestlemania!
Where memories are indelibly etched into..something. I forgot what it was again. So much for being indelible. On
this night, The Showcase of the Immortals actually showcases immortals, as Undertaker and Kane walk out with World Titles
err, a World Title and one worthless shiny gold hot potato! Plus, Batista commandeers
a Samoan Bulldozer to dig a new pit of danger, Snoop Dogg undoes 2 years of Maria's straight-edge living with one
kiss, John Cena overcomes the odds of never doing jobs, and HBK euthanizes your beloved pets with karate kicks! All this,
plus much more! Click HERE to read!
Updated:
TWF RADIO returns! (04/01/08) Recorded last
Sunday night after Wrestlemania, It's Episode 4: A NEW HOPELESSNESS~! Featuring, Sean Carless,
a shitty 2 dollar Radio Shack mic, a chemically-induced laid back disposition, and Full Wrestlemania 24 coverage! From
Super Cena's new Kryptonite, to HBK taking Old Yeller behind the barn and kicking him into Euthanasia, to God secretly being
a member of the IWC, Sean has all your Rasslemania bases covered! Plus, Ric Flair-inspired drops and congratulatory, umm,
congratulations to TWF for 5 full Years of Tastelessness! Click HERE to access the live streaming link!
Updated:
Special Non-Wrestling Feature:
Sean Carless's "GETTING TO KNOW YOUR JOES: A Look At The Upcoming Live-Action
Film, And An Educational Introduction Into A Phenomenon Greater Than You Or Anything You Could Ever Accomplish." (03/28/08)
There's a live-action adaptation of G.I. JOE brewing, just ignore the part where none of the soldiers in question are
old enough to legitimately join the Military! Join me, Sean Carless, as I break down some of the news and rumors of this film,
and question why half these Joe's would be better off fucking body surfing on the O.C, (JOE.C.?). From there, I then
take you back to the 80's and break down some of the most forgettable/terrible GI JOE figures ever! It's a huge clusterfuck
of a crash course in all things Joe! Click HERE to check it out!
Updated:
Sean Carless returns with a *brand new* SATIRE: TNA
STRAIGHT TO DVD RENTALS~!: (03/22/08) Because, WWE isn't the only company capable of producing completely shitty
movies starring wrestlers! From Jay Lethal breaking the spirit of women by keeping them locked away (Hey, just like the real
Randy Savage!) to Curry Man on a murderous rampage throughout South Texas, Sean has all your bases covered and more! Click
HERE to read!
Updated:
Derek
Burgan returns with this week's WRESTLING ENJOYMENT INDEX! (03/17/08) The WEI is a
weekly look at the events that have made an impact, both positive and negative, on the world of oiled up, hairless men that
pretend to hit each other that we all so love to watch. The range goes from 0-100 with 0 being a world in which every PPV
is like Heroes of Wrestling while a perfect score of 100 would be wrestling nirvana. Just how did this past week's event effect
the WEI scale? Click HERE to find out!
Updated:
THE VAULT
with Sean Carless is now updated with a BRAND NEW Recapitation:! WRESTLEMANIA 2! (03/14/08)
We're on to the Road To Wrestlemania, so why not take a quick roadside piss break and journey back to Wrestlemania 2! A card
so terrible, it had to forced on three separate cities just to lessen the blow! And a night, where if the family of the dude
in Nick Hogan's car has their way again, sees HULK HOGAN BEHIND BARS. All this, plus much more! Click HERE to read the Recapitation!
Updated:
Derek Burgan returns with a *brand new*
GIMMICK TABLE! (03/14/08) This week's spotlight: NEW
T-SHIRTS FROM TNA! Click HERE to read!
Updated:
BLFK: BROKEN NEWZ.
(03/07/08) Last August, I posted a quick teaser of a "Breaking Newz" I had written as it pertained to the then death
of Brian Adams. I forgot to upload the full version, and just discovered recently that this was the case. So, ya, here's the
full intended version. Relevance and timing be damned! Click HERE to read Sean Carless' s BREAKING NEWZ: FUNNY BUSINESS IN THE DEATH OF CRUSH!
CLICK HERE FOR MORE UPDATES! |
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