Opening montage of Colin Delaney winning his match last week, and the contract, against
brown Batista (Armando Estrada). I recall this match only going a couple of minutes, so how they can extend it out to
some dramatic sequence is beyond me. Now we're at the GM's room, where Colin signs his contract, and is subsequently
put in a match with Mike Knox...again. Can't wait to see that!
Still standing here in Grand Rapids, Michigan, by the way.
CM Punk Vs. The Miz w/o Morrison (Chick magnet sent his lizard ass to the back)
CM Punk and Kane going for the tag team champs eh (the good ones, not CAWdy and the Rookie
Monster)? Interesting. Crap, but interesting.
Extended waistlock on the Miz to start, while Adamle insinuates CM Punk is gay. Can
this man sink no lower? Miz eventually takes over and gets his mostly hitty offense in. And, man, Miz busting
some shit out here as he gets CM in the 619 position, then jumping off of CM's back over the top rope, and snagging Punk's
head as he comes down. Essentially, a basic move with a whole lot of flash added. Gotta tip my (gay fedora) hat
to the guy.
CM turns things around with a snap powerslam, followed by Pepsi One. I'm a Vitamin Water
man myself. More kicks from CM into trading some pins, but nottttt quite amateur wrestling level here. Miz goes
for the Reality check knee, but CM Punk tries to counter into the Go To Sleep, which Miz slips out of and hits the second
part of the Reality Check (the neckbreaker) for the win. I'd laugh if I wasn't busy crying from how awful typing that
was.
Winner: Miz
What stood out: Gotta go with a tie here. Miz definitely impressed me with a couple
of his moves, which, as a member of the IWC, pains me to no end to type. Also, CM continues his SUPER DUPER IMPRESSIVE
run as Money in the Bank holder, which, as a member of the IWC, pains me to no end to type.
DIVA FEVA time. Oh boy.
Kelly Kelly, Cherry, and Michelle McCool Vs. Layla, Natalya, and Victoria
I like the heel team already - they forgo last names. They're so cool.
Michelle and Natalya start, and rightfully starts with the heels beating the hell out of Michelle
Undertaker. She eventually turns that around on Victoria, and Cherry comes in, but a blind tag back to Natalya (Notice
a certain two haven't been in yet) wipes her ass out with a clothesline. And man, I know I've heard stories that Cherry's
got some major funbags, but DAMN they came out in the open when Natalya pulls her arms back (I'm thinking that's a bow and
arrow but oh well). Three thumbs up (care to guess where number 3 is?). Anyway, Victoria comes back in,
and also uncorks on Cherry, but a momentary distraction from Kelly leads to the DEADLY schoolgirl for the win.
Winner: Kelly Kelly, Cherry, Michelle McCool
What stood out: The funny thing is that WWE KNOWS some of their divas can't wrestle
at all. Kelly and Layla did about one hit apiece and THAT'S IT. I imagine Johnny Ace nicknamed them both "Hoover"
for their...umm...ability to stay employed? Yeah, that's it.
Interview with Shelton Benjamin, saying how he'll end Kingston's winning ways. Definitely
this time. Seriously. Anyway, Little Jacob comes in, wishes him luck, and they get in a fight as he was interrupting
Shelton's interview time. Good enough reasoning, as Shelton needs all the time he can get at this point.
Recap of Backlash into last night's RAW ending. Notice the distinct lack of Vaseline
on this dignity raping (not the haircut). Seriously, motherfuckers have to repeat Hunter's RKOing about 50 times over
to make it look like Randy got some offense in.
Now, more video goodness of Colin's trip to employment. I imagine he stayed so thin
as, clearly, since he wasn't employed, he couldn't afford any food. Whew, good thing he got that contract, now he can
go buy a box of cereal - and not steal it from the LUXURIOUS catering table in the back!
Colin Delaney Vs. Mike Knox
Colin gets the generic rock treatment with the new entrance music, but still gets the titantron
of having his ass handed to him. Dare to dream, young man. Oh also, I am a fan of Knox's music. Really!
Colin actually attempts some offense as the match starts, though obviously, as he is small,
and LOGICALLY therefore useless, this is quickly turned into Knox's spinny thing.
Winner: Knox
What stood out: Wait for it...
After the match, Big Dave Estrada comes out, and makes a rematch of the millennium, with:
Colin Delaney Vs. Armando Estrada
Squash numero dos por favor. Reverse suplex into a reverse DDT wins this one.
Winner: Estrada
What stood out: OK, NOW back to what you read this recap for. So, if Armando Estrada
is an active competitor now, and he readily admits he gave himself a big ol' wrestler's contract, does he stay GM? If
so, wouldn't that be a superbad breach of policy? I mean, what's next?
"I gives myself a solid gold telephone!"
Yep, sounds about right. Oh, also I probably thought way too much into this.
Kane Vs. John Morrison
Notice how Miz is still out for Kane, yet he could beat CM Punk fair and square right in the
middle of the ring. Jobber to the stars? What's that?
Speaking of jobber to the stars, Kane dominates in the early going, though Morrison does do
some acrobatic evasion. Not that it means anything, as you see, POWER WINS ALL THE TIME. Morrison soon goes for
the left knee with various frilly and furry kicks and the like. Miz tries to interfere to further damage the knee, but
CM Punk comes out, presumably to get his ass kicked once again, as we go to break.
Coming out of the break, Kane is dominating. Surprise! But not really. Chinlock
city from KANE (aka, the face), but then Morrison goes for the leg again, but still no sale my friend. Morrison FINALLY
gets Kane down, as he goes for more leglocky restholds. This goes on for quite a number of minutes before Kane makes
his comeback. After a sidewalk slam, Kane goes for his sort of flying clothesline, then the chokeslam. Miz tries
to interfere, but CM tries to stop that shit, but of course, because it's CM Punk, he gets taken out with the quickness (tossed
into the steps this time). Miz goes back to distracting, letting Morrison get his springboard roundhouse kick for the
win.
Winner: John Morrison
What stood out: This match had some decent psychology going for it (Morrison was attacking
the leg that Chavo and BAM were working over the past few weeks), but Kane dominating most of the match hurt it a little bit.
There's no middle ground with face vulnerability nowadays. Either you're unstoppable (Kane) or you get the shit kicked
out of you like a Alabama housewife on a daily basis (CM Punk).
Heels go to town on Kane after the bell, which prompts CM Punk to be useless again in stopping
them. He gets his ass beat AGAIN (whole Reality Check this time), and the heels celebrate up the ramp. THE END.
Uppers: Actually not a half bad show
tonight, as the opener and closer were pretty good fare. Actually, bar the quickie squashmania in the middle of the
show, the wrestling for ECW was on point tonight. Also, given the very limited amount of time until the PPV, they managed
to put together a decent story for the ECW tag match. Tag champs commentate on a match one week, get booked in a match
for the PPV the next, and proceed to dominate their opponents, setting up whether or not the faces can rally on Sunday.
Simple. Obviously, this will probably be the opener for Judgment Day, but it gets the job done nicely.
Downers: Ok, so Colin gets a contract.
Nice to see NOTHING'S CHANGED. Also, I haven't really heard rave reviews of Estrada's wrestling in the past, but I know
he's a good talker, so moving him into the ring, eh, I dunno about that. Also, CM Punk continuing his wonderfully pathetic
ways is rather depressing. At least this week it made some sort of sense, but, damn man, how is this guy supposed to
challenge for a WORLD FUCKING TITLE?
Overall: Definitely a good showing this
week. However, this week as a whole is pretty much WWE trying badly to fill out the card for Judgment Day. Mickie,
Beth, and Melina had a match last night? Why, make a match this Sunday! Tag champs commentated on a match last
week? Make a match this Sunday! I imagine the same crap will be popping up on SmackDown Friday. But yeah,
good shit. Consider me entertained, possibly in a world wrestling variety.
Same as it has been for 25 years, I'm Neil McGilloway, and assuming I'm not fired, 'til
next week.
ECW: The Next Generation