Anyway. here’s a topic near and dear to my heart:

Giant Gonzalez: Misunderstood Technician:

There’s always a lot of people who don’t give Giant Gonzalez the bigtime props he deserves. It’s because of these people that he prolly never got a chance in the WWF even though he was a really good wrestler.

Giants tend to get a lot of flack by so called smarks. Heck, even the other wrestlers would bust their balls. I can’t tell you how many times Hulk Hogan called people like Andre “stinky wart infested” which I always felt was kinda mean. And for the life of me I don’t remember ever seeing actual warts anywhere on Andre or Paul Wight. I don’t know bout the stinky part though. When your that big it’d prolly be pretty hard to wipe your bum.

Gonzalez wrestled in WWF (Not “E”) in 1993 and prolly should have been champion. Anyway he actually started in WCW where he wrestled as El Gigante. I’m not sure what gigante really means (it's German) but I’d guess it meant something about being big. Could be wrong though.

He was originally drafted to the NBA but Ted Turner said “wow, this guy should be wrestler and wear fur on his ass” and made him a wrestler instead of letting him play basketball. Lucky for us! Imagine if he had been allowed to play basketball. We would never have seen what he could do in the ring and that would have been unfortunate.

He was the master of the dreaded and feared claw, better known to educated fans as the iron claw. And you just know it hurt cause iron’s really hard, not as hard as stone (see Ronny Garvin) but prolly pretty close.

I read before where people said he was green which was silly. He was more like a soft beige or light brown pallette. He was also a natural athlete. You’d have to be to play basketball (it’s not like he played just cause he was tall). Even worse than that some people actually said he sucks!

If Gigante was really such a bad wrestler as people say, then why did he have such a good match with Ric Flair then? Answer me that. I’ll tell you. The answer is T-A-L-E-N-T. That’s right. Talent.

Some people think Ric Flair is like a god or something but Gigante had to be doing something right. And I hate this broomstick thing people are always saying. “Ric Flair could wrestle a broom stick” they say. Why would he want to wrestle a broom stick? Talk about your boring match right there. And you know last time I checked a broom stick doesn’t hit back and it certainly cannot give you a mighty waste-level choke slam this I can assure you!

Sometimes I think Gigante would be better off if he stayed in WCW. I mean he had a great feud with the Van Vader and the Vader even won the world title! So that means Gigante would be champion. It’s just basic math if you think about it. We never saw how this classic rivalry ended, and last I remember the Vader used his big goat mask to burn El Gigante with steam and such! Wow. That was hardcore (and hardcore hadn’t even been invented yet!!!). Gigante had to be all man to take that. I mean hot steam, wow! Any of us who ever been burned by a hot cup of tea can attest to that. It smarts!

When he got to the WWF they gave him a suit with fur. Man was it cool looking! I mean being a giant is scary enough, but when you add fur to the package man it still send shivers down my spine! In fact if they want to get big John Heidenrich popular they need to put him in a hairy suit! Yes! Genius! The suit is money in the bank and people would mark for it I promise! I mean it worked for Barbarian and I don’t think I need to you tell you he was probably the most over guy in the company in 1990.

Some people ask why he was made to wear the suit and I think WWF likely made him wear a bodysuit because Undertaker was jealous of Gigante’s natural physique cause he had to wrestle in a shirt himself he thought everyone else should to.

They started calling him Giant Gonzalez and he attacked Undertaker and did what no one else could he beat him down in the royal Rumble! But what did you expect, he was an honest to god giant!

I actually never really wanted to see this match though (although he and Undertaker did have the best match at Wrestlemania 9) I mean why go with Undertaker as the feud when you had a built in money feud with Kamala? Hello? Harvey Whippleman? Thank you.

Gonzalez really took it to Taker at wrestle mania and dominated the deadman despite Undertakers black parrot he came to ring with that prolly would have intimidated anyone. Anyone but Giant Gonzalez that is!

You know with Gonzalez it was the little things that made him great. Like his selling for example. If you asked anyone in the business who worked with him, I’m sure they’d agree that he always made things look believable. From the way he took his bumps to the emotion on his scary face, you never knew that what you were watching wasn’t real. He was that good.

Also Gonzalez at times could move like a really old cat in the ring, and sometimes you’d swear he wasn’t almost nine feet tall! WWF liked to say eight feet, but you know how they lie about stuff like that.

Anyway Undertaker got the win by disqualification that night (boo!) and then Gonzalez seemed to disappear after that which I never understood. I mean you never saw less of HBK the next year at Wrestlemania ten when he had the best match did you? It should have been the same with Giant Gonzalez. Because let's face it, Shawn Michaels is NO Giant Gonzalez.

It’s just too bad we never got to see Andre against Giant Gonzalez before Andre died.But WWF prolly wanted to save Andre for Earthquake cause Earthquake broke Andre’s leg and the pain from that prolly killed Andre. Damn you Earthquake.

Anyway Giant Gonzalez let Undertaker beat him at Summer Slam and helped get the Dead man over (he was not really that popular at the time). Gonzalez then left soon after for good and that was the last we saw of him which was a huge shocks for us fans who like me mailed WWF magazine so many times and heard nothing back! “Where is Giant Gonzalez?” I wrote. “Bring him back soon” I said. But nothing. Stupid Vic Venom, he never answered my letters.

Anyway I’d like to tell you Gonzalez had a happy ending but you know what? The truth is he’s prolly dead. I don’t mean to seem callous but it’s prolly the truth (Don’t mean to offend any of my readers who might also have  the Bigism.) Giants for some reason don’t seem to live long which is a shame because they’re better.

If he’s not dead though I think they should bring him back.

Wow. That was fun. I love to inform people who are kind of stupid so please email me and I’ll get back to you when I want.

Until next week Canadian Bacon says consider this bacon brought.

Oh, and to this "sean Carless" fellow. This is the last time I "spellcheck" or "edit" my work for a while. I'm a natural writer and you can't bottle bigtime talent by holding them to outdated standards like intelligiability and coherency. You've been warned!!!!111