By Sean Carless.
I think it’s pretty safe to say that
Anyway, the easiest money in
Anyway, my faith was somewhat shaken, when I originally saw this image of Megatron (the lead villain in the series); taking the iconic image of what was a classic character, and in turn re-tooling it into a typical alien-like metallic skeleton with what appears to be an asshole for a mouth. To say I was disappointed would be an understatement. But I eventually decided to give it a chance. Maybe, once I see it in motion, it'll actually be better, I thought. But from there though, I soon discovered the director of this movie was in fact Michael Bay. Which then made it all makes sense. You see, Michael Bay is a guy who isn't exactly known for great storytelling abilities. You want Cars driving real fast, chicks bending over, and emotionally shaken Military men just tryin' to get home to see their newborn baby for the first time? He's your fucking A-1 guy. Trying to develop the complicated mythos behind why an alien threat is invading Earth? Umm, not so much. In fact, once I heard Bay's name bandied about, I instantly got the visual of Randy Quaid saving the day by flying a dust cropper into Megatron’s fucking sphincter face, while Optimus Prime and a fleet of minors were deployed into space to land on and stop an earthbound giant asteroid before it destroyed the world. (After all, it is so easy to land on a meteor that can spiral chaotically through space). But all kidding aside, I will still give it a chance. I always do. And sure, it might not conjure up the same emotions for me as the original animated version did in 1986, despite the fact they murdered most of my childhood heroes inside of 15 minutes, and built the entire picture around a giant vagina that destroyed everything in it’s path (A phrase that for the record also describes my ex girlfriend); but regardless, to me it's still big fucking robots that I loved kicking ass. Even if they don't do it to the melodic sounds of STAN BUSH. I guess I'll just have to assume that Optimus has the touch. And has the power. YEAHHHHHH.
With that all said, all this talk of the live action Transformers and the potential pitfalls got me thinking of all the other adaptations that I have watched, and the many, MANY that I have been tortured by. And thus, I formulated my official Top (Bottom?) 10 offenders. And I’ll be truthful, I am in no way proclaiming that *my* choices are inequitably right, but am instead just listing the films (as previously mentioned, adapted from comic books, cartoons or video games) that I personally would sooner perform hara-kari on myself with my obscenely gigantic universal remote, than ever try and watch again.
As for the criteria, mine is simple. It HAD to be a movie that had a significant budget and/or high expectations by the fans and releasing studios (After all, it’d be pretty easy to put the 1991 release of Captain America on this list, but let’s be honest, the contents of your desk probably cost more money than that giant abomination) only to eventually be completely disappointing.
Onto the
list!
10. DAREDEVIL. (2003) Starring Ben
Affleck.
First off, I understand the Director’s cut is
significantly better, but I am going on the theatrical version here, so bear
with me. And hey, I’m not going to
lie, Daredevil was never one of my favorite characters in Marvel, but still I
was intrigued originally to see how they would go about telling the story
of a blind man who becomes an ass-kicking super hero. Because, let’s face it,
unless they’re hiding it pretty well, most blind people just stumble around or
at the most play the piano in enthusiastic fashion. They don’t kick the fuck out
of people with a telescopic walking stick or suddenly have the innate ability to
do full gainers from roof-tops. Because if they could, why, they’d just
take your money, rather than begging for it on a subway or in front of
a liquor store. Just saying.
Anyway, it is at least somewhat loyal to
the character's origins, as Matt Murdoch (DD’s alter-ego) is blinded as a
child by the great old comic standby: RADIOACTIVE WASTE! Yes
sir. I don’t know about you, but they sure seem to transport this shit a lot in
the comic book world. Only luckily, in comic-land it bestows you with
"powers" and "abilities", instead of poisoning you and completely obliterating
you from the inside out with ravenous cancer. So hey, if you ever see a truck
with this
symbol, don’t be afraid! Hell, take a bath in it!
You’ll become superhuman, and definitely won’t die horribly, bleeding from every
orifice. Trust me.
With that said, after explaining how and when
Murdoch went blind, they don’t bother to EVER EXPLAIN HOW A STRUGGLING
LAWYER WHO ONLY WORKS PRO-BONO, CAN AFFORD TENS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS WORTH OF
EQUIPMENT. In addition to just how he became so adept at fighting and
acrobatics. I mean, you don’t see Stevie Wonder doing full twirling cannonballs
from the rafters of churches, do you? A little explanation would be
nice.
Anyway, other than the complete lack of
realistically explaining DD’s back-story, my only other issue is Michael Clarke
Duncan as Kingpin. And it’s not that
9. THE PUNISHER.
(1989)
Starring Dolph
Lundgren.
I for one really liked the 2004 version, but
the less that is said about this one, the better. Dolph Lundrgren and 2 tins of
shoe polish stars as former All-American cop (at least that's
what he is in this film) Frank Castle. Wait. Dolph
Lundgren? All American? Jesus. I always get a kick out of
movies where obvious Europeans have extremely white-bread anglicized names.
(Look no further than the bulk of Arnold Schwarzenegger's films for this
phenomenon. Jack Slater? With a fucking Austrian accent?
Surrrrre.).
Anyway, as you’d expect, Castle’s family is
savagely murdered, and he goes bat-shit insane, and turns to vigilantism. He
also starts living in the sewers, because, apparently, a cop’s salary doesn’t
pay you enough to rent a hotel room to fucking house your vigilante base of
operations. And for the record, the iconic skull doesn’t even appear in this
film. I guess producers felt it wasn’t very realistic. You know, unlike a 6’5”
Swedish dude who can barely speak English playing a Mid-western
American. But hey, at least The Punisher more than lives up to his name here.
Too bad it’s the audience he’s doing it to.
8. STEEL.
(1997)
Starring Shaquille
O'Neal.
Do I even need to go into why this is on my list?
Anyway, featuring, Shaq (dear lord) as
“Steel”, a character developed for DC during the Death of Superman storyline.
However, bar Shaq’s real life tattoo, this film has nothing to do with the Man
of Steel. In this version, Shaq is… a weapons designer? Holy shit. I’ll let
that sink in for a minute.
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
Ok, then. I don’t think I’m being cruel when I
say that I can’t imagine Shaq designing anything. Seriously, I just can’t
picture a 7 foot 300 pound clumsy motherfucker exactly having the "light
touch" needed to develop complex machinery. Anyway, Shaq eventually sees
gang members using his weapons, and decides to take a stand. So, he builds
himself a suit of armor to gain an edge? Huh. Some would think
a hulking, towering, muscle-bound black guy would be intimidating enough. But I
guess I was wrong. Soon 'Steel' is born, and to say it’s comical is an
understatement. Poor Steel looks like Robo Cop’s severely brain damaged younger
brother with a mouth full of marbles. Anyway, the whole thing kind of falls
apart from there (imagine that). But not before making fun of O’Neal’s real-life
issues with free throws!!!! Man, I hate when movies do this. It seems like every
movie starring an athlete ends up somehow incorporating a sports trademark into
the actual film, regardless of out of place and ridiculous it is. Hell, they
even had the fucking Scorpion King giving Rock-Bottoms in ancient
Oh ya, for the record, the whole thing
bombed. Like
7. Tie: DOUBLE DRAGON (1994) Starring Scott Wolf from
Party of Five and STREET FIGHTER (1994)
Starring Jean-Claude Van
Damme.
Dear God in heaven. Most movies adapted from
video games have two things in common. 1) They almost always STINK and 2) they
always completely deviate from the storyline. These two are no
exception.
Double Dragon stars Scott Wolf, who took time
out from his busy schedule of gently waiting for Jennifer Love Hewitt to be
“ready” for intercourse (as was prevalent in all teenage shows of the 90’s) and
holding his struggling family together on Party of Five, to playing one of the
Lee brothers here. The whole thing is built around the somewhat estranged
brothers each having a half of a magical medallion, and wait for
it…HAVING TO PUT THEIR DIFFERENCES ASIDE AND WORK TOGETHER TO MAKE THE
MAGIC WORK AND DEFEAT THE FORCES OF EVIL! It’s an exciting plot that’s
only been 
used a thousand times before. Throw in the fact that the special
effects used here make The Power Rangers look like fucking Star Wars in
comparison, and you can understand my disdain. Even T-2 himself, Robert Patrick, and Alyssa
Milano in the tightest blue t-shirt in creation couldn't save this
abortion. Hell, they even fucked up ABOBO, something that cannot be fucked
up. I mean, holy shit, how hard is it to find a giant muscular bald dude with an
unnaturally huge head and a mustache? Shave off the skullet, and The
Hulkster may have fit the bill. Oh well. All I know is, even the mystical
magic of the re-combined Double Dragon medallion, a power that can
apparently cause the destruction of all forces and manners of evil,
still couldn’t somehow utilize the tiniest shred of KUNG-FU BLACK MAGIC
to cause me to somehow, someway, even remotely give a
fuck.
Now for Street Fighter. While Mortal Kombat (the original) wasn’t exactly Citizen Kane, Citizen Kane with giant anthropoid Kung-Fu human dragons, at least it didn’t deviate that far from the video game canon. Unlike this cinematic equivalent of being hot-boxed in a truck-stop bathroom. First of all, Ryu (the main character from the game) is pushed aside for Guile, played by “thespian extraordinaire” Jean-Claude Van Damme, whose acting is so wooden, he should be for sale in an Amish furniture store. At least they could have stayed true to form and given Jean Claude the impossibly huge yellow high-top. Which at least, would give him a real advantage in combat. While his foes are laughing at his ridiculous head, it can give him just that much more time to deliver a standing spin-kick while they just stand there and don't even attempt to block. You know like in EVERY FUCKING VAN DAMME MOVIE EVER.
Anyway, instead of a tournament setting, the
“good guys” set off on a mission to stop M. Bison’s tyranny. (Bison is played by
the talented Raul Julia, who died literally after making this movie. And no, it
wasn’t suicide. Although I can’t say I’d have blamed him here).
The whole thing of course ends up with yet another phony-assed Van Damme martial arts showdown. God bless Jean-Claude. Long before UFC completely exposed Karate, Van Damme was here to somehow convince us that possessing the ability to do the splits on two stumps makes you an unbeatable martial-artist. “Oh no! He’s hovering his balls in midair, precariously balanced on two chairs! We should run away! Or not even attempt to block his impending bullet-time wheel kicks!" Meh.
6. SHEENA. (1984) Starring Tanya Roberts (Charlie’s
Angels, Donna’s mom on That 70’s
Show)
Hey, I know it’s not adapted from a really
famous comic, but it’s on my list for stealing my life for two hours. Hell, even
the copious amounts of nudity were shameless. So much so that I could barely
repeatedly masturbate to it! *ahem*.
Anyway, this movie HAS to be seen to be
believed. Starring Tanya Roberts, fresh off a similar role in BEASTMASTER (a
film where the namesake character has a symbiotic link to animals after being
given birth to by a cow. Seriously. However they never do explain if in fact
this means his old man fucked a cow. Not that I want to know...) and is now
portraying Sheena, the young daughter of a white couple on
Safari in Africa, who die, and leave her to be raised by the locals, most
notably an African woman named Shaman. Yes, Shaman. In
AFRICA. I think it’s fairly safe to assume that the
writers here never took History or Geography. Next thing you know, they’ll write
a movie about an Indian chief named
Moliqua.
Fast forward twenty years, and Sheena is suddenly able to ride zebras (and not just horses with stripes just painted on them! We swear!) bareback, and possessing the ability to understand and communicate with animals; some of which are miles away. This is of course a trait that all Africans possess. Or not. I don't know. All I do know is, get a few of these fucking psychic Kenyan's to lull a few animals into a false sense of security, and they finally can END STARVATION in Africa for good!. Clearly, World Vision really needs to move forward with this plan, rather than unpacking countless boxes of Kraft dinner from crates for the starving locals. Yup.
So, with that said, to make a (painfully) long
story short, a reporter played by Ted Wass, (the father on Blossom, years before
she would set down the path to frumpy lesbianism) shows up, and this strange
white skinned man baffles Sheena. At one point, she notices his chest hair and
is marveled by it. Despite the fact that her shimmering smooth body didn’t
exactly get that way without a little grooming herself (discounting the fact
Lady Bics are kind of hard to come by in the middle of the fucking Serengeti).
The whole climax as you’d imagine, involves Sheena looking to a series of
animals to help stop the bad guys, while Ted Wass never questions just how the
fuck that’s possible, or better yet, when a reputable plastic surgeon made his
way to Buttfuck Africa to give Sheena her obvious breast implants.
5. SUPER MARIO BROS. (1993) Starring Bob
Hoskins.
Long before Bob Hoskins was selling an
emotionally broken Jet Li into human cock fighting, he was Mario Mario, one of
two plumbing brothers (along with John Leguizamo as Luigi) who get sucked into a
parallel world, where humans are descended from lizards instead of primates,
laws of nature be damned.
Anyway, as one would expect, adapting a story
of two obese Italian plumbers who stomp on turtles and mushrooms with eyes would
be difficult as far as believability is concerned, but still, a straight
adaptation would have ended up being more credible than what we got. Thank God
they’re plumbers, that’s all I can say. At least they’re used to be surrounded
by unending shit. Much like myself after watching it. And the shame
is, it really wasn’t even about Mario, the most iconic and celebrated
character in Nintendo history. Instead, it’s fucking Luigi who gets the
girl here. I don’t think I’m exaggerating when I say that no one gives a fuck
about Luigi (bar in Super Mario 2 the game, where he was arguable the best
character, game-play wise.) In fact, if you were ever Luigi in the game, it was
likely only because your asshole brother chose Mario first on two player mode.
But still, here’s Luigi, getting all the glory. Maybe the poor hapless bastard
has it coming after playing second banana to Mario for 25 years, but still. To
me, Luigi ranks up high on the list of brothers who only exist because of their
more famous siblings, sandwiched somewhere between Frank Stallone and Daniel
Baldwin.
Plot wise, the movie wasn’t that much better.
The whole thing was built on Koopa (played by a very human Dennis Hopper, who
probably just thought he was a giant lizard because of his years of copious drug
abuse) using a weapon that causes people to de-evolve to a primitive state. No
word on whether he ever used it on George Bush. Although, it would explain a few
things. The Mario's of course end up saving the day, and Mario gets to
hook up with a morbidly obese Puerto Rican woman while the aforementioned Luigi
gets the hotty, Daisy. Poor Mario. If there was ever a time to hear that ‘your
princess was in another castle’, this was definitely it. All of a sudden that
non-moving lava is looking pretty fucking
good.
4. SUPERMAN 4: The Quest for
Bullshit Peace.
(1987) Starring Christopher
Reeve.
Poor Supes. This was actually the movie that
single-handedly destroyed the franchise for almost 20 years and would be Reeve’s
last appearance as the Man of Steel (and not just because he kept getting his
cape caught in his chair). And here’s the reason why: Reeve would apparently
only do it if he himself got to write the storyline. And what's that
storyline, you ask? Ridding the world of those darn nukes, of course! Yes sir.
Superman is now an environmental crusader~! And sure, one could
say “so what if someone launches Nukes? Superman could easily catch them, or
worst case scenario, prevent tragedy by once again turning back time by
reversing the rotation of the Earth!” …which as we all know, always
turns back time, and doesn’t suck everyone in the world up into
a violent vortex and fling them simultaneously into orbit. Wait, what were we
talking about? Oh ya. Superman disposing of Nuclear weapons into the deep
reaches of space. Too bad he didn’t launch this script into the dark void as
well.
Anyway, out of all this, Lex Luthor creates
his own rival for Superman by harnessing "the power of the sun". He then names
the villain "Nuclear Man". Huh. For a super genius, he sure doesn’t seem to
know fuck all about what "Nuclear" actually means. Oh well. "Sun Man" doesn't
exactly roll off the tongue, I guess.
From there, things backfire, Superman has to thwart Nuclear Man before he destroys the world, deposit Luthor back into Prison, and orchestrate his next earth friendly agenda: to responsibly recycle glass bottles and newspapers! Stay tuned for this and more in Superman 5: The Quest for Composting! "They're a great people, Kal-El. If they choose to be. They just lack the light to show them how to properly separate their plastics from their papers".
3. MASTERS OF THE
UNIVERSE. (1987) Starring Dolph
Lundgren.
Good Ol’ Ivan Drago makes the list twice. But
this time it wasn’t entirely his fault. I doubt the producers here had EVER
even watched He-Man. But hey, as much as I loved the old MOTU cartoon, I’ll
even admit it had a few flaws.
I mean, Prince Adam wasn’t exactly the best incognito costume ever. He
was basically the same muscle bound He-Man with a pudding basin haircut, only
he wore a pink vest with a white undershirt. And yes, no one
recognized him. Sadly this doesn’t seem to work in real life. Just the
other day I put on a *completely different* shirt and pair of pants, and
strangely people still recognized me! I must be doing it wrong. Maybe if I
had a sword. Maybe.
All kidding aside, this movie just didn’t even remotely resemble He-Man in any shape or form. Also, it suffered from my two least favorite adaptation pitfalls: a) It introduces characters out of thin air that never existed in the base material; and b) it takes place in the REAL world. And by "Real World", I mean , our world, and not the MTV series. Although, that would have been much better if only for the jealously created by other house-mates. "I hate that He-Man. He thinks he's better than all of us just because he's got the power of Grayskull.."
Anyway, this plot device, bringing fantasy
characters into our world, is something SO many producers do. They feel as if we
movie-goers just won’t relate to a fantasy world without bringing real world
douche-bags into it. For the record, these ‘real world’ people in question
include a very young pre-Friends Courtney Cox. If only
The story itself sees He-Man and the
gang transported to Earth, along with Skeletor and his minions
And if that’s all not bad enough,
there’s really not anything all that captivating about He-Man himself. His sword
possesses no magic, he’s not wearing his trademark giant furry diaper, and
Battle Cat (Eternia’s only openly homosexual utility vehicle) is NOWHERE to be
seen. What a waste. Even Skeletor was a let down. And sadly, the poor guy never
really seemed to recover after this one. (see here).
2. BATMAN
& ROBIN (1997) Starring George Clooney & Chris
O’Donnell.
In just two movies, Joel Schumacher managed to accomplish what Joker, The Penguin and the Riddler could not: He completely destroyed Batman. And hey, as much as I like rubber bat-suit nipples and extreme close ups of Batman’s cock in his codpiece while “suiting up”, I just can’t buy his “version” of the Caped Crusader. I think I even remember the exact moment I lost faith in his direction. It was in the preceding Batman Forever, where BATMAN SHOWS UP TO A FUCKING COCKTAIL PARTY. Call me crazy, but Batman tends to lose a wee bit of his intimidation edge when you know he’s just some asshole in a suit, drinking Brandy Alexander's with a bunch of rich douche-bags. "Tell us, Bats, what's your take on this morning's NASDAQ? Pork-bellies or Gold?".
With that said, this was beyond bad, with more
characters haphazardly stuffed into the movie than fucking circus clowns in
a car. From Ah-nuld as Mr. Freeze to Uma Thurman as Poison Ivy, they were all
here, and I couldn’t give a shit. Hell, even Batgirl showed up (as played by
Alicia Silverstone). And hey, if an untrained diminutive valley girl can
kick your ass, I think it’s time to find a new profession, because “arch
criminal” just ain’t for you. And of course, in truly sappy fashion, Batman,
Robin & Batgirl all join forces in the end, and as a united FAMILY stop the
bad guys. They then go onto to form a traveling family folk band. Ok, maybe not.
But maybe they should. They’ve already emasculated Batman enough already. Hey,
there’s another looming shot of his balls! What gives!? Fucking Schumacher.
1. CATWOMAN. (2004) Starring Halle Berry’s
tits.
Ah, Catwoman, the movie. Basically, it’s just
your run of the mill “fashion designer gets murdered by her boss then strangely
gains advanced martial arts ability and superhuman cat-like reflexes” story.
What, you’ve never heard that one? Well there’s a reason. This Catwoman stinks.
In fact, it’s so mind-bogglingly terrible that real cats would be compelled to
bury it in the sand, if you know what I mean.
To me this is the prototype of a failed
adaptation. Just who the hell was this aimed at? Comic book fans? I don’t think
so. It strayed so far from the source material to draw any of them. Young girls?
I’d think the abysmal bombing of Elektra and the 2nd Charlie’s
Angels proves that action is not a
genre teenage girls often care about. So if not them, then who?
The thing is, I’d probably accept (but never watch) this film had it been called anything but Catwoman. Because nothing was the same. Nothing. Murdered fashion designers don’t come back as Vigilantes. If they did, we’d be see Versace swinging from the roof tops right now in a fucking domino mask.
And therein lays my entire point for doing
this list in the first place; if you’re going to adapt a movie, stick to the
story. If you want to improve it, tell the story BETTER, don’t change it
completely. The most successful adaptations, (Spiderman for example) don’t tend
to stray too far from the source material. Hell, Peter Jackson didn’t input Rock
music, or have Frodo go through a fucking time portal in the Lord of the Rings
trilogy. He stuck to the material relatively closely and brought the whole
sweeping saga to life. That’s ALL the fans ask for. But often the
movie-makers NEVER listen. Next thing you know, they’ll remake “The
Greatest Story Ever Told” and this time, they'll have the Savior
transported to modern day
Special mentions go to the following films
that just missed the cut:
BARBWIRE: Sure Pamela Anderson has more plastic upstairs than the entire first line of He-Man toys, but hey, who couldn't get behind Pamela Anderson? Or more so, who hasn't? Her nether regions probably look like a disheveled sleeping bag by now.
THE HULK:
Some people loved it. Some people hated it. I’m kind of indifferent to Ang Lee’s
vision. But at least there was no part where the father and son Hulks stop in
mid-leap to exchange some gravity defying mid-air karate.
JUDGE DREDD: Sylvester Stallone is Da LAWR. He's the Judge, Jury, and the Executioner. The last of which is a sentence you wish he'd carry out on you after watching this movie.
FLINTSTONES: I wasn’t the biggest Flintstones fan when I was a kid, mostly on the account that it seriously pissed me off with the NERVE those household pets had in locking Fred out of his own home, but who’s idea was it casting Rosie O’Donnell as Betty Rubble? I know dude's who had a thing for Betty, so this was disturbing on multiple levels not related to being a sick fuck who's attracted to cartoon characters. Man. I can’t imagine the casting session here. “You know what this movie needs to sell more tickets? An Overweight dumpy lesbian who alienates men. MAKE IT HAPPEN."
SCOOBY-DOO:
Freddie Prinze Jr. in a fucking ascot dickie = MONEY. And by “money” I
mean the complete opposite of that. In fact, I'm pretty sure they had to
invent a bizarro currency just to calculate the money this shit-pile
earned. Plus, come on. It’s been thirty years. The bad guy’s wearing
a mask. Holy shit.
POPEYE:
Spinach gives him strength. Copious amounts of alcohol likely gives him the
courage to have sex with the broomstick with a praying mantis head that is
Shelly Duvall as Olive Oil. It's no wonder his forearms are so fucking huge.
Yours would be too if you masturbated as much as Popeye did to avoid getting the
urge to put his junk inside Olive Oil. Dear
God.
ALONE IN THE DARK: Uwe Boll needs to die in a fire. Seriously. Tara Reid as a brilliant Archeologist? Ya, I'll buy that. Bitch somehow botched a New Year's countdown, yet, she has the knowledge to remember every nuance of a long dead Indian civilization? Priorities, baby. Priorities.
DOOM:
Mildly amusing if only for the
Rock’s mid-movie heel turn. But what of the poor Marines? These guys are always
so poorly represented in movies where there’s a non-human threat. Why do they
even bother showing up? Man. They never fare well, despite initially
being represented as Earth's best hope to eradicate the enemy. Yet, the
untrained humans are always the dudes who actually kill the threat. But
hey, keep bringing in those Marines! Maybe this'll be the time they're not
systematically annihilated by an alien. Jesus. This shit is as bad as
the people who keep showing up to the parties Angela Lansbury is
attending on Murder she wrote; you know, despite the fact someone always dies
there.
MORTAL KOMBAT ANNIHILATION: You’ll wish that Goro had won the first tournament and the earth was obliterated after watching this. Hell, this movie did what Shang Tsung could not: drain you of the fledgling remainder of your immortal soul.
TOMB RAIDER: Studios banked on movie goers paying to see Angelina Jolie in a black unitard. It worked. She looked for jewels. We fondled ours. It was a beautiful partnership of adventure, masturbation, Fake British accents, masturbation, mystic relics, and masturbation.
SUPERMAN
3: Richard Pryor makes Supes life miserable. You read that
right. Coming soon, Batman, featuring the combined comic hijinks of Bobcat
Goldthwait and fucking Carrot Top. Carrot produces a pair of pants with a ball
scoop sewn into the crotch. Alfred helps Batman come up with a
serum that actual makes it
funny.
BATMAN FOREVER: Two words: BAT NIPPLES. This movie was built entirely around Batman's acquiring of a sidekick and ward, Dick Grayson/Robin. In the comics, Batman would actually go on to take in several young men as his wards, which never seemed to disturb anybody. I mean, a revolving door of underage boys and an almost hermit-like rich guy living in a mansion filled with gadgets and toys? Hello? It's no wonder Robin was never allowed to wear pants. It all makes sense now. Michael Jackson was last seen purchasing a cape and cowl.
Ok, that's it. That's my list of can't hit prospects. In time, I have no doubt , that this list much like my waistline these days will increase in size. But until then, see you at the movies! (unless it's one directed by Uwe Boll. Did I mention he should die in a fire?).
I’m Sean.
